Catch A Falling Star
by notalone91
Summary: Have you ever imagined what it would be like at your own funeral?  Rachel Berry has.  What would happen if she actually set it into motion.
1. Chapter 1

Catch A Falling Star

Chapter One: Reflection

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or the characters therein. I am in no way affiliated with Glee or Ryan Murphy... at this point in time at least :)

While brushing her hair before bed, Rachel Berry looked at the face she saw in the mirror. As the bristles broke through her dark, silky hair, a thought permeated her mind- one that had been there many times, but more increasingly of late than it ever had. Ever since Finn broke up with her, for good this time, she could not get her mind off of the thought of her own funeral. Before when she thought of it, it was always a bit generic. People would cry. There would be flowers. Nothing out of the ordinary. Recently, though, it had been different. There was hardly ever anyone there. Nobody cared anymore. Even her dads had stopped pushing her to be better. There was nothing left for her anymore. The funeral in her mind reflected it. A few people. Mr. Schuester might come. Her dads, obviously. But anyone else, who knows.

Bzzzz. The cellphone sitting on the bureau went off. The LCD screen on the little pink piece of plastic lit up. "Finn3." She opened it, heart racing - half expectantly, half scared.

"I want my hoodie back," the message read. "Bring it to glee tomorrow."

"Awesome." she breathed as she slammed the phone back onto the wooden top. The door of the battery compartment slid off. Nothing changes, but everythings different. That seems to be her motto recently. Again, her troubled, chestnut colored eyes flickered to the mirror. The same eyes that had been looking back at her for the last 16 years. Still, something had changed. The fire that she had always admired in herself was gone. It was almost as though she was left hollow.

As she glanced around the room, looking for anything else she may have of his. This time, she just wants to get it all over with at once. Anything that might be his, she'll bring with her tomorrow. She held the hoodie close to her. It still smelled like him. Closing her eyes, Rachel inhaled until it hurt. She could almost convince herself that it was him in her arms, not just a lump of polycotton blend. Catching herself, she stuffed the sweatshirt into the bag. She really had been trying to stifle the "crazy," as everyone called it. Wandering around the room, she caught the sight a can of cologne. Axe Conviction... was that Finn's or Noah's? She didn't bother to ask. She almost didn't want to know. The can went flying into the trashcan in her bathroom with a crash and bounced right back out. Always. She should have known better than to throw things by now. They never go where she wants them to.

As she crossed to retrieve the can and place it in the bin, she saw a razor sitting on her sink. The thought had always crossed her mind but at the same time she'd never really thought about it. It scared her a bit. She sat down on the side of the bathtub, taken aback by her thoughts.

"It makes sense," she said to no one in particular. "I mean, it wouldn't make a difference anyway." She looks back up to the little piece of moulded pink plastic. "It couldn't be that hard right?" As she ran her thumb over the blades, she drew a bit of blood. "Not too bad." The once-diva-of-New-Directions never realized that she had become so - what was the word - numb. That's it. Numb. She couldn't feel anything anymore. Finn. Puck. Jesse. Glee. Nothing. It wasn't worth it. Nothing was there. It was decided. What was the point of living if there was nothing to live for? The point of her life had always been to feel and be felt. She could do neither anymore. She put the razor back down on the sink and walked to her bed. Reaching under her mattress, she grabbed for her diary and pen. "What a stupid place for that," she thought, fleetingly. Quickly, she wrote a few things down in her diary and tore out the pages. Rereading what she had written, she realized that her writing looked different. Unlike her normal bubbly handwriting, this was sharp, almost italicised. The letters were mismatched. It actually looked alarmingly like Finn's. "Oh well, it doesn't matter anyway." She folded the papers and got up off the bed. It was almost as though she was enacting a plan she had always had. She went to her dresser and placed the letter in the top drawer. "Someone'll find that."

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw her phone. A little red notification light was blinking. "Hm... who could that be?"

She flipped it open with the casual flair that she always had. Okay, at least some things hadn't changed. The text was from Kurt. "Hey darling, great seeing you the other day. Excited for sectionals. Coffee with me and Mercedes this weekend?"

What was she going to say? Yes and just let him find out in his own time? No and upset the only friend she still had? Speaking of which... how was he going to react to all of this? He's such a strong kid but he doesn't do well with that kind of stuff. Granted, Rachel knew she was nowhere near the same level of priority as, say Burt or Mercedes or... what was his new boyfriend's name? Right, Blaine. Well, he'll be fine. "Sorry, love. I have plans. /3" That was true. She did have plans. He just didn't need to know what they were. She shut off her phone and put it on the charger.

As she lay in her bed that night, a thousand things crossed Rachel's mind. Was this the right thing to do? Would her dads be okay? What if it doesn't work? What if someone walks in? What did she have to say to people? All of this was trivial, anyway. She knew she was going to do it, no matter what, she just wanted to make sure that everything was accounted for. She already knew what she was going to ask Mr. Schue to sing at glee. That was sort of obvious. At least she could mark that up to certainty. As she drifted off to sleep, she was still working through everything she would do with the following day.

The following day was fairly uneventful. When glee rehearsal finally rolled around, the rest of New Directions hardly realized Rachel's somber distance. She walked to the back row and plopped her self down in a chair, sliding her stuff on to the floor.

Just as everyone was beginning to settle themselves into their typical spots, Mr. Schuester walked in. "Okay guys, this week, we're taking a little break. We're going to do message songs. I want you to really think about what you're saying and who you're saying it to. Rachel has already graciously volunteered to go first. So, take it away, Rachel!"

A few melancholy strains flew from the band. The group exchanged a few confused glances before settling on Rachel.

_If I die young bury me in satin _

_Lay me down on a bed of roses_

_Sink me in the river at dawn_

_Send me away with the words of a love song _

_oh oh oh oh _

"What exactly is she trying to say with this?" Will thought to himself. He was never too comfortable with the thought of death - especially not when it came to his students.

_Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother_

_She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and_

_Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no _

_ain't even grey, but she buries her baby_

_The sharp knife of a short life, well _

_I've had just enough time_

Finn shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Damn, she's taking this way harder than I thought. I should talk to her. I was just trying to teach her a lesson. Give her a taste of her own medicine. Fine, Rachel, you win. I give in," he thought to himself.

_If I die young bury me in satin_

_Lay me down on a bed of roses_

_Sink me in the river at dawn_

_Send me away with the words of a love song _

_The sharp knife of a short life, well _

_I've had just enough time_

_And I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom_

_I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger_

_I've never known the lovin' of a man _

_But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand_

_There's a boy here in town says he'll love me forever_

"Sometimes she worries me," Puck mused. "I mean, the girl's had it rough but... she's being real drastic here. Maybe what she needs is a bit more Puckerman. That could be arranged. She is hot."

_Who would have thought forever could be severed by_

_The sharp knife of a short life, well _

_I've had just enough time_

_So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls_

_What I never did is done_

_A penny for my thoughts, oh no I'll sell them for a dollar_

_They're worth so much more after I'm a goner_

"Wow, I never thought Rachel could be this real without crying and making all those bizarre faces," thought Artie. "Maybe there is hope for her talent yet."

_And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin' _

_Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'_

_If I die young bury me in satin_

_Lay me down on a bed of roses_

_Sink me in the river at dawn_

_Send me away with the words of a love song _

_oh oh _

_The ballad of a dove _

_Go with peace and love_

_Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket_

_Save them for a time when your really gonna need 'em oh_

"Fine, maybe she doesn't want me to say anything to her. I'll just tell her that I really liked the song," Finn decided to himself. "I mean, what the hell, right? There's time."

_The sharp knife of a short life, well _

_I've had just enough time_

_So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls_

"Thank you, Rachel. Let's all give her a big hand. She clearly put her heart and soul into that one," Mr. Schue said as he patted her on the back. "Why don't you go ahead and sit down, now?" With that, Rachel obliged, returning to her seat without her usual pep.

"Man, what is up with her today?" Mercedes asked quietly to Quinn.

"I don't know, but it does not look good." Quinn replied.

"Hello, what difference does it make? It's the hobbit. She has more moods than one of those damned smiley face posters," added Santana. "Besides, Finn dumped her, so that's just a couple more extra layers of crazy.

"Crazy has layers? Is it like that Trident gum?" asked Brittany, earnestly.

"No, Brit," the girls all replied.

"Someone really should talk to her," Mercedes added. All the girls nodded, but not one made any attempt.

Eventually, they were let out of rehearsal. Rachel walked down the hallway and out of the building. She hardly even heard the familiar voice calling her name.

"Rachel! RACHEL!" Finn was beckoning.

"What, Finn?" she responded as she reached for the door.

"I just wanted to say..." he looked into those brown eyes he always adored, but noticed something amiss and lost his train of thought.

"What?" she snapped.

"Forget it," he replied. "It doesn't matter anyway." Truth was, he was so caught off-guard by the lack of emotion in her eyes that he could not remember what it was he wanted to say to her. He just knew she hated how scatterbrained he gets.

"Fine," she said. "See you around." With that she walked out the doors of McKinley for the last time.

"I really am worried about her, Emma," Will sighed as he leaned against the chair. "But, what can I do?"

"Well, what brought this on?" asked Emma. "You said she seems disinterested and lethargic. Have you spoken to her about it?"

"No, but I'm sure one of the kids have."

"Will, she's not exactly popular, especially after the whole Finn escapade."

"I'm no good with advice."

"Send her to me. That's what I'm here for. To help people when they need it."

There was a long pause here. Neither really knew why, but it was there. This seemed to be happening a lot lately. Who knew why anything happened anymore. Ever since she married that dentist, it didn't matter. No matter how much he tried, Will could not move past how much he wanted her. That was part of why he always came to her. Sure, she was the guidance counselor but he could have gone to any number of other teachers. He never wanted to. He wanted her help. Even if she was a bit neurotic, she was always right. Now, all he could talk to her about was work anyway. "Do you know what she sang today?"

"No. What?"

"A song about suicide."

"I'm sure it didn't mean what you think it did."

"I'm not."

"Look, would it make you feel better if I call her father later?"

"Yes."

"Fine. But, don't dwell on it. Everything will be fine. She'll be fine. She's got a solid support system. Everything will work out." Another one of those pauses. Who knew silence couuld say so much? "It will."

"I hope so." With that, Will left the office and got in his car. Emma remained in the office for another few hours. She had some paperwork left to do on that girl who refused to eat anything but tile grout and then she would call Mr. Berry.

Rachel returned home at 4:30, just like every other day. She dropped her bookbag by the door and walked through to the kitchen. "Daddy?"

A tall, slender black man, Seth, turned away from the stove. "Yes, pumpkin?"

"Nothing, just making sure you were home."

"You sure that's all?"

"Well, that, and I love you." She reached up and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"What was that for?"

"Nothing, I just don't say it enough. When does Pops get home?"

"5 as usual, honey."

"Okay."

"Are you sure nothing's wrong?"

"Yeah."

"Where's Finn?"

"He had football 'til 5 today. Coach Beiste said he needed to stay."

"Oh. That boy's so dedicated. Especially to the things that matter," he said, with a pat to her cheek.

The girl smiled and turned away. She just wanted to hug him and never let go. He was always her favorite. "Maybe they've just stopped pushing because they think I can do it on my own," she thought. Now was not the time for second thoughts. She walked up the stairs to her room. She kept her head forward. She knew that if she looked back, she would fly down those stairs and that would be the end of it. Calmly, she walked into her bathroom and snapped the blades out of her razor. Adrenaline beginning to flow, she exhaled and shook the cold metal around in her hands and then put them down. She ran herself a bath and proceeded as though nothing was different. She put her favorite fluffy pink towel on the back of the toilet, put her iPod into the dock, selected the playlist "mellow" and slipped into the tub. Feeling the welcoming warm water, she let herself slide under the water just for a moment, then reached out for the blades. As she stared down at the metal, she could hear the voices of her so-called friends and teachers echoing in her head.

She could hear Kurt, "Most of the time, I find it hard to be in the same room with you."

Next, Quinn, "You used to be just kind of unlikeable but now I pretty much feel like punching you every time you open your mouth."

Then, Mr. Schue, "You have a terrible attitude, you're a lousy sport and it is not okay anymore!"

Finally, in comes Santana, "Nobody tells you anything because A.) you're a blabber mouth and B.) we all just pretend to like you."

Everything hurtful they've ever said swirls around in her mind. Firmly, she pressed the edge into her wrist and followed the trail of the vein up almost to her elbow. The pain took her breath away. She gasped for air. Finally, the tears she had been waiting for. The water was already beginning to swirl with red. "Almost musical," she thought. Soon, everything was starting to blur in that mystic pattern and then white. Nothing. Emptiness. She had succeded.

Not five minutes later, a bulky white man with a receding hairline came up the stairs, walking with a purpose past his husband.

"Matt, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I hope. I just got off the phone with Rachel's guidance counselor. Apparently she and Mr. Schuester are concerned. Rachel has been acting funny recently and they think it's best we keep an eye on her."

"What kind of funny?"

"Not herself. Just, let me go up and talk to her." He continued climbing the stairs and knocked on Rachel's door, just below the Broadway bound sign. No response. He knocked again and when she still didn't answer, he went in. She wasn't there. "Rachel, you in the bathroom, hun?" Again, he didn't hear a response. His green eyes beginning to burn with worry, he opened the door. "RACHEL!"


	2. Chapter 2

Catch A Falling Star

Chapter Two: What Now?

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, nor am I in any way, shape or form affiliated with the show. I just have an overactive imagination.

Author Note: Wow! I can't believe people are actually reading this. Thank you all so much. A couple of you have asked if the youtube video "Rachel (What If)" was an inspiration for this fic. Yes, as a matter of fact it was. It sort of actually got me thinking about it and I came up with the whole plot relatively quickly. You can watch the video here: .com/watch/?v=m01mb0X1yo8&feature=autoplay&list=ULRDwEdCucztg&index=7&playnext=5

"Rachel," Matt cried desperately. "SETH, CALL 911!" He grabbed Rachel's face. "Rachel, honey, stay with me." Her pulse was weak. The water was clouded with red. She had already lost a ton of blood. "SETH, NOW! Shit..."

"What is it?" his partner asked as he came up the stairs with the phone.

"Stay out there. Rachel's hurt. Just call. NOW!"

"What? Is this some sort of sick joke?" Seth walked into the bathroom anyway. Immediately, he started to shake. The sight of their daughter unconcious, bleeding in the bathtub was too much to bear. The phone fell to the floor with a crash. Seth's slender frame suddenly hunched over and slid down the door.

"Now is not the time for that," Matt stated, not really intending for it to be heard. He didn't know what it was time for. All he knew was that he had to call for help. He picked up the phone and dialed the numbers he had hoped to never have to dial. He knelt down next to the bathtub, moving the brunette's hair out of her face. "Rachel, baby, what happened?" Soon, the operator picked up.

"911, what's your emergency?" came the voice from the other end.

"It's my daughter. She's hurt... bleeding. I don't know what happened. We just found her."

"What is the injury?" The voice was so calm and collected. Matt wondered how anyone could remain so cool in the face of any emergency even if it wasn't directly involving them. As far back as he could remember, he couldn't hear about someone stubbing their toe without getting rattled.

"She's slit her wrist."

"Is she still breathing?"

Matt leaned down very close to his daughter's face. "Hardly," he replied as he moved his hand to her neck, "She barely has a pulse."

"Where are you, sir?"

"486 Sycamore in Lima," he answered, almost robotically.

"What is the number you are calling from?"

"419-555-2493." Didn't they have caller I.D.?

"We'll send someone out immediately." The line clicked and the operator was gone. Was that it? Is that all he was supposed to say. With disbelief, he looked down at the phone in his hand and threw it to the floor.

"What did they say?" asked a voice from behind him. He had almost forgotten that Seth was there.

"They'll send someone out," he said. He knew it would be too late. She wasn't responding to him. Her breath was fading. He'd seen enough of his friends go this way to know that there wasn't hope.

"What are we going to do?" Seth asked, choking back tears.

"We're going to wait downstairs for the paramedics to come."

"No, Matt," he cried. "We can't leave her!"

"We're not going to do her any good in here either."

"I'm staying here," he said. There was no swaying him from this stance.

"Fine. I'll be in the kitchen."

Of course. He had almost forgotten, his husband was by no means an emotional person. If he were faced with something emotional, he'd just shut it out. That's all he ever did. "Hey, starlet. It's Daddy. Look, I know you can hear me. What happened? Why couldn't you tell me, huh?" He ran his fingers through her hair. It had always made her feel better, ever since she had hair long enough. "God, why didn't you say something. You know we're always here for you, baby. There's nothing that should have made you come to this." She was still so warm. There had to be a chance that she'd be okay. There had to be. He grabbed her hand which still held the razor blade. He took the cold metal away. "Rachel, honey, if you can still hear me at all, grab my hand." Nothing.

He heard the sirens, sure. Soft at first, growing louder and louder until they reached a piercing volume and stopped. They were still blaring as he closed his eyes and kissed the still warm hand he held in his own.

"She's up here," Matt's voice carried up the steps, followed by footsteps.

"Excuse me," one of the paramedics said, causing Seth to step back out of the room and into Matt's arms. He buried his face in the chest of the man with whom he had raised the girl they were lifting out of the water. "Mr. Berry, I just have a couple of questions for you," the paramedic said. He asked a bunch of questions about Rachel that he just answered mindlessly. Matt held Seth tightly and leaned his face down against the other. He could feel the tears that were escaping Seth. Why couldn't he let it out like that? Why is it so easy for everyone else to cry? This is his daughter. Was. _Was_. He would have to get used to saying that. Was. Rachel _was _his daughter. He knew there was no way she'd make it through. She'd lost so much blood.

Another one of the paramedics approached the two men. "Are you this girl's guardians?"

"Parents," Matt responded.

"Right," the man continued. "Parents. Well, I'm sure you've already figured this out but, she's dead." With that, Seth issued another sob. "I'm very sorry for your loss. Which one of you would like to ride along?"

The ride home from the hospital was an unbelievably quiet one. They had told them before they left the house that she was dead. Why did it have to be so prolonged after the fact? The problem with rural Ohio was that they were still stuck so far in the past that they were shocked to see two men comforting each other. Why was it such an issue for people to accept things? It was 2010, after all. Matt reached his hand across to the passenger side and grabbed Seth's hand. There was nothing he could say. Their daughter was gone. They would never hear Rachel pretending to be Barbara Streisand from upstairs again. Never get all of the updated info about New Directions and who wasn't pulling their weight and what outdated rock ballads Mr. Schuester was making her and Finn sing. Finn. Shit. He was Rachel's boyfriend. Someone had to tell him. Well, his house was on the way home from the hospital. They'd have to make that stop. He needed to know. That poor boy, his first girlfriend cheated on him with his best friend and then got pregnant and made him believe it was his until she decided to break up with him. Now this.

He hadn't been paying too much attention to the radio, but the sharp intake of breath from the passenger seat brought him back to reality. He could feel Seth's grip on his hand tightening. He glanced at his partner who was staring at the radio. He could always tell what a song was by the first few notes. What was this? It sounded so familiar... As the realization set in, he knew he had to pull over. He wouldn't be able to comfort Seth and Seth wouldn't let him turn it off...

_Would you know my name_

_If I saw you in heaven?_

_Would it be the same_

_If I saw you in heaven?_

Matt reached his arm around Seth and held him close. How could this happen? What had they done? Had they pushed her too much? They knew what she wanted to do and all thy wanted to do was give her the opportunity to be as perfect at it as they could be. Why couldn't she just tell them? It never had to come to this.

_I must be strong_

_And carry on_

_'Cause I know I don't belong_

_Here in heaven_

Seth was slowly reaching the point where crying would begin to hurt. He hadn't stopped crying the entire time. Now, though, the tears were sparse. Their little girl was gone. Their house would be empty, but for the two of them. Why did this song have to come on right now? It had always made him cry, but now he understood it. He could really appreciate the desperation behind the words.

_Would you hold my hand_

_If I saw you in heaven?_

_Would you help me stand_

_If I saw you in heaven?_

They held each other close and tight. Seth thought he might break if he was held any tighter. Even still, he didn't care. He was already broken. They both were. Even if Matt hadn't gotten to the point of showing it yet, he would get there.

_I'll find my way_

_Through night and day_

_'Cause I know I just can't stay_

That had been enough. No matter what, he had to shut the radio off. Matt pressed the power button on the steering wheel. Gently, he placed a hand on Seth's neck. Seth looked back at him still crying. "How did we let this happen?"

"I don't know. I really don't know," he said. "But we'll get through this." With that, he placed a gentle kiss on those lips he had known for so long, but never like this. "Everything will turn out alright."

"How can it?" Seth asked, nearly whining.

He looked back, searching those dark eyes, now swollen and rimmed with pink, "I don't know." With that, he took the car out of park and proceeded toward the Hudson-Hummel home.

"Where are we going?"

"We have to tell Finn. It wouldn't be right for him to find out from anyone else but us."

Seth just nods. He knows it's right, but something about it feels wrong. Rachel had said that they were okay, but he didn't come over today. Granted, Rachel said she was okay. Nothing makes sense anymore, so he'll just go along with it.

It's a short drive until they reach Finn's home. Matt gets out of the car, crosses to the other side and opens the door for Seth. He takes his hand and they walk up the path to the door. He extends his hand to knock on the door. After a moment, it opens. A robust woman with a painfully bright smile opens the door. "Matt, Seth! What a pleasant surprise," Carole said.

"I'm afraid it's not a very pleasant occasion, however. May we speak to Finn, please?" Matt asks.

"Sure, he's upstairs. Let me go get him. Won't you sit down?" With that she hustles up the stairs to get Finn.

Soon, they're both coming down the stairs. The tall, handsome boy with the goofy grin speaks first. "Hey, Mister...s Berry...s," he says, recieving a nudge from his mother for his blunder, while running his fingers through his hair, "what's up?"

"Oh, Finn... Why don't you sit down?" Matt says.

Finn might not be the brightest bulb in the pack, but he knows when something's wrong. Still, he obliges.

"There's... there's been an incident."

"What's wrong? Is Rachel okay?"

"No, sweetie. Um... It's so hard to tell you this..." he looks over to Seth, who is still clinging onto his arm as though he might not be able to stand if he were to let go. This has to be his burden to bear. He has to tell Finn. "Rachel is dead."

"What?"

"She killed herself this afternoon."

"No. She can't ha... She was fine at Glee! She..." he stammers. The more he tries to explain it away, the more real it becomes. He covers his face in his hands.

"Oh my God. I'm so sorry," Carole manages to get out as she hugs all 3 of the men. "This... I can't believe it."

"Neither can we, but... here it is," Matt sighs. He leans down and hugs Finn. "We really do have to be getting home. We have matters to discuss." He's was becoming more and more frigid by the minute. It was almost like he was just serving another paper to some client. He had all of this to do, but no real attachment to it. Slowly, he turned toward the door.

"Please, if there's anything we can do, you know where we are," said Carole.

"Thank you very much." With a final look back at the huddled form crying against the wall, they left. There was nothing more they could say to him.

When they got home, Matt made sure that everything was situated with Seth. He made sure he was well asleep before he tried to get back out of bed. When he did, he walked straight up to Rachel's room. Everything was so bright and pink, just like he remembered her. There was something different, though. Something odd. Everything was always so neat and in it's place, but there was a bag marked "Finn's Stuff." Odd. He'd just leave it there and give it to Finn later. He'd be seeing quite a bit of the boy in the next couple of days. Then, he saw it. There were papers sticking half out of one of the drawers. Carefully, he pulled the sheets out from the dresser. He unfolded it and read:

"By the time you read this, I'll be gone. I'm sorry to everyone I've hurt. I'm sorry to everyone I've pushed away. I hope you'll all forgive me, and I'm sure you'll move on as though nothing has happened. It has recently come to my attention that I don't matter to anyone. Selfish though it may sound, it is true.

Please, Daddy or Pops, whoever is reading this, don't cry for me. I don't deserve it. You were always so good to me, and I'm doing what you would want me to; I'm doing what is best for me. Also, please, don't either of you go all Next To Normal on me. I am gone. You won't be seeing me, I won't be sneaking in at 3 a.m. I'm not there.

Finn: Please, know that I love you. I always have, and I always will. No matter what happens, I'll be with you.

Kurt: Sweet Kurt, you were always the best competition and friend that I had in glee. Thank you for making it what it was for me. Remember, you may feel like you're alone, but you're not. I'm so happy for you and Blaine. Tell him from me that if he does anything to hurt you, it won't end well for him and we know how well your house mate handles supernatural occurances. That is a threat.

Mercedes & Tina: No matter how much we frustrated each other, it didn't change my opinion on you. Good luck in everything you do.

Quinn, Santana & Brittany: I was always so jealous of you. You are perfect. No matter what obstacales you cross, you handle them with such grace and look flawless doing it. And Brittany - no, honey, I won't be coming back.

Noah: No matter what facade you're putting up today, you're still the sweet guy that I've seen. Please don't let anyone make you think any different. You've come so far in yourself and you're still going.

Mike, Sam & Artie: You're all such amazing and talented guys. I'm sure that your lives will go so far and you'll be such a strong presence to everyone you meet. Thank you for letting me perform with you on a daily basis.

Jesse (not that anyone will see him to tell him this): In the short amount of time you were in my life, you made one of the strongest impacts. You managed to let me diva out, encourage me, keep my diva in check AND introduce me to my birth mother. Thank you. I'll never be able to express that enough.

Last but never least, Mr. Schue: Thank you for everything. Glee club has meant the world to me and it would not be so if not for you. Thank you. I hope I made you proud.

Please, everyone, just know that it is no one's fault but my own. This has been a long time coming. I would just like to thank you all for everything. But, I fear it is time for me to make my exit. Please, take care of each other.

I love you all.

Rachel Berry."

She even signed it with a star, like she always did. This was so her. Matt laid down on the pink four poster bed and drifted off to sleep, clutching the letter close to his heart.


	3. Chapter 3

Catch A Falling Star

Chapter 3 - Hurt

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor am I in anyway affiliated with them.

The room was pitch black. He hadn't moved from that spot on the stairs since he sat down as Mr. Berry was leaving. His mom and Burt went to bed nearly an hour ago. They had tried to comfort him, but there was little they could do. They had both lost loves, but it hadn't been this way. His dad and Kurt's mom hadn't _chosen _to leave. His dad was killed in Desert Storm. Kurt's mom, if he remembered correctly, was killed in a car crash. He ran his hands through his dark brown hair, now getting to be a bit greasy. Rachel couldn't be dead, could she? He had just seen her earlier that day. She seemed okay. A little down, but she was under the impression that he was really, truly done with her. She was feeling the way he wanted her to feel. He hugged his knees to his chest. The only way to find out if this was true was to call her. He looked at the clock on the wall. It read 12:05. She was probably still up anyway. Regionals were in a little over a week. Undoubtedly, she'd be going over some dance moves or trying to come up with a way to get Mr. Schue to let her sing the lead instead of Quinn. He reached into his pocket for his cell phone. Scrolling through his contacts, he finally reached the name he was looking for: RayBayBay. He felt a twinge in his chest. She had always hated that she was in his phone as a reference to a terrible rap song, but at least it was something special. He hit call. With every ring, the pressure became more and more consuming. Damn. It went to voicemail. For fifteen minutes, he repeated this process. After the last time, he managed to work up the courage to leave something in the inbox. "Hey babe... um... I know it's late. I just wanted to say... I'm really sorry about everything. I was hurt, and I wanted you to feel that... If what your dads said is right... please, just... I hope you know that I've always loved you." He hung up that last time, and cried. The last time he cried this hard was... he couldn't remember ever crying this hard. Even the fiasco with the pregnancy last year paled in comparison. Rachel was dead. Really dead. She wouldn't be at glee. She wouldn't be anywhere except where she was. He would never feel her hand in his, never see the way those puppy dog eyes would look adoringly at him. Nothing. She was gone.

He needed to talk to someone. Who could he call? Not Puck. Never Puck. They were still "best friends" but he just couldn't trust him anymore. Sam wouldn't be much help either. He didn't really know the guy that well, and something told him that calling his ex's boyfriend wouldn't be the best thing for the moment. Kurt. Of course. He had said before he left for Dalton that he could call him any time, day or night. Again, he picked up his phone. "Kurt?"

"Finn. What's up? Is something wrong?" Kurt sounded a bit agitated.

"No. Well... Yes. Are you busy?" His voice was shaky and strained, not something one usually expects to hear from the captain and star quarterback of the football team, or the co-captain of a title winning Glee Club.

"Yeah, we have regionals coming up, which you know, and I have a series of really important tests coming up, which you also already know. What else can I help you with at," he said with an exhausted tone as he looked at his watch, "12:38 in the morning?"

"Um... Rachel's dead."

"Finn, I don't think I can handle your girl drama right this second. I'm sure whatever she did she can fix for you. I mean, she's a bright girl and you love her so..." Kurt's voice trailed off. He had so much else to deal with that really had an impact. To top it all off, he was finally happy and in a relationship himself, so he really didn't need anyone to bring him down from that.

"No, Kurt, Rachel. Is. Dead." He did his best to punctuate his words so that they would really get through to him. "She killed herself this afternoon."

"That's not possible, Finn. I talked to her this afternoon. She said she had plans for this weekend. When she makes plans she keeps them. Besides, regionals are really soon. She would never leave you guys hanging that close to a competition."

"KURT! YOU ARE NOT LISTENING TO ME! MY GIRLFRIEND AND ONE OF YOUR CLOSEST FRIENDS IS DEAD. SHE SLIT HER WRISTS AND IT WAS ALL MY FAULT AND I REALLY NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO BUT YOU'RE NOT HELPING. YOU SAID THAT IF I EVER NEEDED SOMEONE TO TALK TO TO _CALL YOU_. I guess you meant when it was convenient for you. You have a good night, Kurt. I'll talk to you later, I guess." With that, Finn hung up and threw his phone against the stairs and the tears began to fall again.

He had to be losing his mind. He gathered up his phone, which had come apart on impact, and went upstairs to his room while attempting to reassemble it through shaking hands. As he walked, he remembered what Mr. Scue had told him to do when he couldn't express his emotions well at the moment. Sing it out. It had worked in that instance, so why shouldn't he give it a shot this time? He walked to his iHome and grabbed the iPod. He suddenly knew exactly what he wanted to sing. He took a deep breath and pressed play. As the piano intro started, he closed his eyes and imagined himself standing in the choir room with Rachel sitting right in front of him, beaming at the boy whose heart she held in the palm of her hand. This wasn't helping. Back to reality. Get it together, man.

_When it rains it pours and opens doors_

_And floods the floors we thought would always keep us safe and dry_

_And in the midst of sailing ships we sink our lips into the ones we love_

_That have to say goodbye _

Why did she have to do this? What could have brought her to this? She was obviously upset about him, but that couldn't have been it. As mad as he was at her, she should have known how much he cared. He could never stop caring about her.

_And as I float along this ocean_

_I can feel you like a notion that won't seem to let me go _

_Cause when I look to the sky something tells me you're here with me_

_And you make everything alright _

_And when I feel like I'm lost something tells me you're here with me_

_And I can always find my way when you are here _

Again, he closed his eyes. Fleeting memories came to mind. He saw visions of Rachel in that gold dress before they started singing for Regionals nearly a year earlier; When he told her that he loved her. Then, they were dancing around the piano at rehersal. He had never let her know how much he loved that. Finally, the image of her walking out that afternoon. He shook the images away. Get in the moment!

_And every word I didn't say that caught up in some busy day_

_And every dance on the kitchen floor we didn't have before_

_And every sunset that we'll miss I'll wrap them all up in a kiss_

_And pick you up in all of this when I sail away _

_And as I float along this ocean_

_I can feel you like a notion that I hope will never leave_

_Cause when I look to the sky something tells me you're here with me_

_And you make everything alright _

_And when I feel like I'm lost something tells me you're here with me_

_And I can always find my way..._

He could almost feel the tiny girl wrap her arms around him. Almost. He knew he would never feel that again. Still, he let the feeling consume him. He felt her warmth. He felt the way her hair would tickle his arms when he held her. He wrapped his arms around himself, imagining her there. He was losing his cool.

_Whether I am up or down or in or out or just plane overhead_

_Instead it just feels like it is impossible to fly_

_But with you I can spread my wings_

_to see me over everything that life may send me _

_When I am hoping it won't pass me by _

_And when I feel like there is no one that will ever know me_

_there you are to show me_

He let his arms fly out to his sides as his voice rang out. He felt free, almost like his heart could have jumped from his chest.

_Cause when I look to the sky something tells me you're here with me_

_And you make everything alright _

_And when I feel like I'm lost something tells me you're here with me_

_And I can always find my way when you are here_

_Cause when I look to the sky something tells me you're here with me_

_And you make everything alright _

_And when I feel like I'm lost something tells me you're here with me_

_And I can always find my way when you are here_

This was exactly the song he needed. She had always been there. She would somehow fix whatever was wrong. She cared about everyone, despite her sometimes terribly difficult tantrums. He really loved her. He'd never be able to get used to the past tense there. How could she be gone? He walked over to his desk and ran his fingers over the picture Kurt had taken of Rachel and him over the summer. They were laying in the grass. She was wearing that blue dress with the white polkadots that she knew drove him crazy and had her head on his chest. He had always loved that picture. Then he saw that insane "couple calendar" she had made him. He told her it was insane, but he secretly really enjoyed it because it was so her, in every way. He took it off his wall and flopped down onto the bed, flipping through the pages as he went through all of the past couple of month's events trying to find signs he should have seen.

The next time he looked at the clock, it was nearly 5:30 in the morning. There was no point in him going to sleep just to wake up in a half hour, so he went downstairs and sat in the kitchen. He wasn't hungry and couldn't imagine eating, but he still went anyway. He was switching into full autopilot and that scared him.

Before he could think about it too much, his phone rang. He answered it. "Hello?"

"Did you sleep?" came the voice from the other end.

"No, Kurt. Why?"

"I didn't either. Finn... I'm so sorry. I'm here now. I'm... so sorry. What happened?" nn broke down, again. He couldn't take much more of this crying. "Whatever it is, I'm here. You can talk to me."

An hour later, their conversation was wearing down. Finn had already told Kurt everything and they talked through everything that had happened. Kurt had tried adamantly until they both had to get ready to go to tell Finn that this wasn't his fault and that Rachel would never have done anything to hurt him, but he wasn't sure that it had worked. "Thank you, so much, Kurt. I don't know what I'd have done without you this morning... It... It means a lot, man."

"Anytime, Finn." With that, they hung up.

As Finn was walking out the door for school, he had no idea that his day would only be going downhill from there.


	4. Chapter 4

Catch A Falling Star

Chapter Four: Helpless

Disclaimer: I still don't own Glee or anything attached therein, nor do I own the characters of CP Coulter's Dalton who will be making appearances throughout this chapter.

A/N: Another youth has taken their life. This has to stop. Please, if you know anyone who is thinking about suicide, offer help. There are other ways. Also, there is a bit of overlap with this chapter and the last chapter. If it seems a bit repetitive, well, it is.

As he sat at his desk at Dalton Academy, Kurt was sifting through some papers and tried to put the information for his World History presentation together with at least a speck of clarity. His phone rang. Who could it be at this crazy hour of the night? If it was one of the twins next door, he would not be happy and neither would they, for that matter. He had to dig through a mountain of notes to find it, but when he saw that his phone read "Finn," an air of terror breathed through him. He flipped open his phone and before he could say a word, his step-brother's voice flew through the phone.

"Kurt?" Finn sounded really upset. Almost as though he had been crying. This could not be good. He's a reasonably tough guy, he wouldn't just be crying over nothing.

"Finn. What's up? Is something wrong?" Kurt tried desperately not to sound annoyed or worried or anything. He wanted to sort of sound aloof, like there was nothing odd about getting a phonecall in the middle of the night.

"No. Well... Yes. Are you busy?" He sounded really strained. Kurt hoped this didn't have anything to do with his dad or Carole. Were they okay? Why could this kid never just get to the point?

"Yeah, we have regionals coming up, which you know, and I have a series of really important tests coming up, which you also already know. What else can I help you with at," realizing just how tired he was, he finally decided to look at his watch to find out just what kind of deficit his sleep regimen , "12:38 in the morning?" There was too much silence on the other end.

"Um... Rachel's dead." Kurt rolled his eyes. How could he be calling him right now with girl troubles. He loved them both, but really? Finn needed to sort out his priorities.

"Finn, I don't think I can handle your girl drama right this second. I'm sure whatever she did she can fix for you. I mean, she's a bright girl and you love her so..." Kurt's voice trailed off. He wondered if Blaine was still up. As soon as he could get Finn off the phone, he was going to throw what was left of this together and then go lay in Blaine's arms until he fell asleep. The glories of having a boyfriend in the same building.

"No, Kurt, Rachel. Is. Dead." Why was he breaking the sentence up like that? It's not as though Kurt was a child. "She killed herself this afternoon."

"That's not possible, Finn. I talked to her this afternoon. She said she had plans for this weekend. When she makes plans she keeps them. Besides, regionals are really soon. She would never leave you guys hanging that close to a competition." He did not appreciate having this kind of joke pulled on him right now.

"KURT! YOU ARE NOT LISTENING TO ME! MY GIRLFRIEND AND ONE OF YOUR CLOSEST FRIENDS IS DEAD. SHE SLIT HER WRISTS AND IT WAS ALL MY FAULT AND I REALLY NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO BUT YOU'RE NOT HELPING. YOU SAID THAT IF I EVER NEEDED SOMEONE TO TALK TO TO _CALL YOU_. I guess you meant when it was convenient for you. You have a good night, Kurt. I'll talk to you later, I guess." The line went dead.

Kurt slammed his phone on to his desk. What was he talking about... Rachel was dead? How could that be? He shuffled his papers absentmindedly. A single tear fell. He wiped it away and got up from his desk. Quietly, so as not to disturb his best friend in the next bed, he walked to the door and closed it. He stared at the collage on the door. "Kurt & Reed." The next thing to catch his eye was a black and white photostrip with himself and a pretty girl with long, dark hair. Rachel. There was such a sparkle in her eye. If Finn was right... he shook the thought out of his mind.

The boy crossed the hallway and knocked softly on the door. He could hear Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream" flowing from the room, so Blaine was obviously still awake. "It's me..."

The door opened and behind it stood a slightly shorter boy with dark, ringlet curls in blue and green plaid pajama bottoms. "What's up, babe?" he asked as he wrapped his strong arms the other boy's waist.

"You know my friend, Rachel? The one with the Barbara Streisand face and the talent and attitude to back it up?"

"Of course. How could I forget that one? Your step-brother's girlfriend."

"Yeah... She," Kurt flung his arms around Blaine's neck and buried his face in his neck, "She's dead. She killed herself this afternoon," he blurted out through the now apparent sobs. Once he let the words leave his mouth, he knew they were true. He could feel it.

"Wait," Blaine held Kurt a little further away so he could see the crying form he held, "She's... how did you find out?"

"Finn just called me. God, I was such a bitch to him," Kurt confessed as he felt a strong hand lead him to the bed. They both sat down and Kurt rested his head on Blaine's shoulder, "I sort of just... didn't pay attention to what he was saying. I was annoyed and stressing over that report for tomorrow and... he hung up on me."

Blaine knew exactly what to do. Time to alert the army. "Just sit tight, I will be right back." Combing his fingers through his curls, he was trying to decide just who to wake up first. The tweedles. It had to be. They could get this report done faster than anyone else... it was World History and they had the best knowledge of it. He got to their door and heard the sounds of a nerf war already in progress. At least they were still awake. "Tweedles, I'm coming in."

"It's a bit late, White Rabbit," Evan stated, whilst bouncing on his bed brandishing a rather frightening nerf gun.

"Trouble in Wonderland?" Ethan finished, the mirror image of his twin on the other side of the room.

"Sort of," he still felt like he needed a translator for these two sometimes, "One of Kurt's friend's killed herself yesterday and Kurt has a World History project due today. Can you guys take care of the project while I take care of him?"

"Talking flower?" Ethan asked, almost childlike.

"We're on it," Evan decided, pulling his brother out the door. "Anything for Alice."

"Whatever you do, don't wake Reed," he called after the two brothers.

Well, that was taken care of. Nothing to worry about there. He walked back to his room and found Kurt curled up in a ball on his bed. He took a deep breath and crossed to the bed and tilted up his boyfriend's head. "Do you need anything?" Silence. He sat on the bed and moved the other boy, who was still awake just in his own little world, into his arms and rocked him back and forth. The motion seemed to quell his emotions just a bit. Enough to bring him back to reality.

"Actually, could you maybe take me to McKinley tomorrow? I feel like it's where I need to be.

"Anything, babe," Blaine said, resting his head on Kurt's. "However, I think you might want to think about calling Finn a bit later."

"You're right. I know you're right, I just... I don't know what to say to him."

"You don't even have to talk, just be there for him."

Kurt sighed and sat up. He just felt weak. Blaine was searching Kurt with his eyes. Suddenly, he had an idea. This boy could not be strong without having a bit of diva first. He had just been stripped of one diva, so there was one thing left: Celine. Blaine smiled that devilishly sexy smile Kurt loved so much and picked up his teddy bear (named McDreamy after his first crush, Patrick Dempsey) and picked it up. "Doctor, we need 50 cc's of diva, stat. We're losing him," Blaine said in a mocking voice, attempting to cheer Kurt up. He danced the fuzzy brown bear with the stethoscope across the edge of the bed and placed it next to Kurt. He, then, crossed to his laptop which was still playing Katy Perry and changed it. As soon as the music started, Kurt perked up a bit straighter. No one over the age of 10 would not recognize those notes. He knew he loved Blaine for a reason; they shared the same mind.

_Every night in my dreams  
I see you, I feel you  
That is how I know you go on_

Kurt really was a fantastic performer, Blaine observed. He swayed with the beat and really looked like he felt what was going on in the song. He didn't want to interrupt him, but still, he took a chance and reached out for the amazing countertenor's hand._  
Far across the distance  
And spaces between us  
You have come to show you go on_

They swayed back and forth in the middle of the room, close enough to feel each other's presence, but still far enough away that Blaine could watch Kurt._  
Near, far, wherever you are  
I believe that the heart does go on  
Once more you open the door  
And you're here in my heart  
And my heart will go on and on_

Blaine spun Kurt away and just stood and drank in every aspect of what Kurt was doing. He was awstruck. Everything about this was real. He knew how to add just one more dynamic to the other boy's performance and catharsis: harmony. He chimed in and their voices melted together._  
Love can touch us one time  
And last for a lifetime  
And never let go till we're gone  
_Kurt realized then just how much this relationship meant to him. Blaine was slowly cheering him up. No matter how much he didn't want to be cheered up, it was working. He saw his boyfriend leaning across the desk toward him, getting dangerously close._  
Love was when I loved you  
One true time I hold to  
In my life we'll always go on  
_Impeccable. Blaine's taste in music and ability to pick the right song for the right time was absolutely Impeccable. This song was so much about how he felt about Rachel, but so much how he felt about Blaine. Yes, it wasn't really a love song so much as a love lost song, but taken out of context it really was. And the whole Titanic imagery didn't help._  
Near, far, wherever you are  
I believe that the heart does go on  
Once more you open the door  
And you're here in my heart  
And my heart will go on and on_

Kurt sailed right into the key change, belting to his heart's content, completely forgetting everything around him but Blaine and the music._  
You're here, there's nothing I fear  
And I know that my heart will go on  
We'll stay forever this way  
You are safe in my heart  
And my heart will go on and on._

As the music slowly decrescendoed, Blaine grabbed Kurt's hand in his and pulled him closer with the other. The shorter boy's hazel eyes looked deep into the blue eyes of the pained boy he held. Kurt closed his eyes as Blaine spoke. "I know this is really tough for you right now. But... baby, you're not alone," Kurt opened his eyes, afraid he knew what was coming next. He had already sang that cute song to him before Christmas... "I'm not going to sing it to you. I know you have it on your iPod, but I know you expected it, and that's what counts." As Kurt cracked a small smile, Blaine placed a small kiss on Kurts lips. Even though he hadn't expected it, Kurt kissed back, hard. Maybe this wasn't the time, but it was another thing that he needed...

The two intwined boys hardly noticed the door open until Blaine felt something rather hard (A shoe?) smack him in the back. "Ow, what the Hell?" he nearly whined as he spun around.

"It is the middle of the night. Can you two EVER stop singing?" Wes asked, rather agitated.

"We had stopped, but you interrupted."

"Yeah, I know, but you already woke me up."

"Wes, I'm really sorry," Kurt started, "Blaine was just trying to get me to cheer up a bit."

"Aaaaliceeee," came two identical voices from the hallway. Kurt sank down and sat on the floor against the bed, "Your report is done and emailed and all of your and the White Rabbit's teachers are aware, or will be when they get the email, that neither of you will be in class due to 'a family emergency.'" Ethan and Evan spoke in turns.

"What happened?" Wes was now very confused.

"Nothing, just something at home, Blaine is gonna take me first thing."

"Well, I can take you. I have to go pick Lauren up from the airport and Lima's on the way."

"No thank you, Wes," Kurt explained, "I just sort of need Blaine with me for this." He took a glance up at Blaine, who was trying to usher everyone out of the room until something dawned on him.

"Wait, Lauren's coming?"

"QUEEN TALKING FLOWER?"

"All the way from Philadelphia?"

"Yes, guys. I didn't say anything because I didn't want you guys to fawn all over her like you did at New Years."

Kurt was so confused. He remembered Wes introducing him to a girl, but he was so concerned with finding Blaine that New Years didn't become fully clear until they were sitting on the roof, but even that was a blur. He just decided that, from this vantage point, it was just easier to smile and nod than interrupt them. Besides, Wes was trying to completely get over Tabitha and, if this Lauren girl was really making Wes as happy as it seemed, it's worth it to just let him go.

"But she's so sweet."

"Yes, and for some reason, she wants to spend time getting to know you guys."

"Well," Blaine concluded, "I think it's best we all get some sleep then." With that, the tweedles and Wes went back to their rooms. He turned back to Kurt. "You, my dear, should call Finn. Okay? Do you want me to go?"

"No, please stay."

"Fine," Blaine said. He handed Kurt his cellphone and slid into bed. Kurt stood up and sat next to him and fit right into the spot he had been left in Blaine's arms. He dialed Finn's number

"Hello?" came the voice from the other end.

"Did you sleep?" Kurt asked awkwardly.

"No, Kurt. Why?" He could tell that Finn was annoyed.

"I didn't either. Finn... I'm so sorry. I'm here now. I'm... so sorry. What happened?" nn broke down, again. He couldn't take much more of this crying. "Whatever it is, I'm here. You can talk to me."

Time wore on. Blaine had fallen asleep and was snoring softly on his side of the bed while Kurt twirled one of his curls between his fingers. "You know this isn't your fault, Finn. Rachel was always her own person. Yes, she always needed other people's approval, but it was for herself."

"I know," began Finn. His voice was so tired from the crying, "but it is my fault. I had broken up with her. I was shutting her out to teach her a lesson and... she caught the wrong end."

Back here again. This was the umpteenth time they were starting this passage. "But she cheated on you and deserved the way you treated her. I don't know why she chose to keep how she was feeling to herself and neither do you, but she did and what's done is done."

"I know but..."

"No 'buts' anymore, Finn. You know this wasn't your fault."

"I guess. Are we gonna be seeing you soon?"

"Obviously," he said. However he didn't want to throw too much on him. "However, I have a test to go take in a little over an hour so I have to go. And you have to go soon too, right?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"I'll talk to you later. Call me from glee. I want to hear what Schue says."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Thank you, so much, Kurt. I don't know what I'd have done without you this morning... It... It means a lot, man."

"Anytime, Finn," and with that he hung up the phone.

Bleary eyed, Kurt glanced over at the alarm clock on the bedside table. Almost 6 am. Good GodGa, this was going to be a long day. He crept out of Blaine's bed and back to his room. He neatly folded some clothes and put them in his weekend bag. Suddenly, his and Reed's alarm clock went blaring on some pop station. Reed, just like every morning, got startled and fell out of bed with a thud.

"Ow," the small boy in the Gucci silk pajamas moaned.

"You need to be more careful," Kurt cooed. "I'm not going to be here the next couple of days. Do you think you can fend for yourself?"

"Yes... I... Wait. Where are you going?

"Back to Lima for a couple of days. I have a funeral to attend." Kurt took a deep breath. This was his first funeral since his mother's. He had never thought it would be a friend. He had definitely never thought it would be this way. He exhaled loudly. Reed clambered up behind him and hugged him.

"I'm so sorry," he said. "Family?"

"Friend. Rachel."

Reed gasped. He had only met the girl once, but she seemed fairly sweet. Without another word, he slid to the closet. "Here, take this, this aaaaannd... these," as he handed Kurt a beautiful Ralph Lauren three piece suit with black silk tie. "I keep it on hand for the off chance that I need something classic formal, but here, you need it more right now."

"Thank you," Kurt responded. He had gotten fairly used to this by now. "It means a lot."

"Not a problem. If you need anything else, just call me."

"Don't worry, I will," he said, hugging the boy tightly. "Now, I'm going to go grab a shower. If Blaine comes looking for me, tell him I'll be back in a bit."

"Ok, no problem."

The two boys were on the road by 8:30. They had said goodbye to the rest of the Windsor house and had been promised that it would still be standing when they returned.

Even though Lima was only a couple of hours away, this ride felt like it was going to take an eternity. Luckily, Blaine had a playlist timed exactly for how long it would take to get there. Sometimes Kurt wondered how he had managed to get along without him. They talked and sang and had a reasonably good trip back, considering the circumstances. It almost felt wrong to be having this much fun this early, but somehow he felt like Rachel would have been okay with it.

It was just after 1 pm when they arrived in Lima. They had just enough time to grab lunch at Breadsticks before they went to McKinley. They both figured that facing that afternoon on an empty stomach wouldn't be a bright idea. Kurt would never understand what the draw of Breadsticks was, but it was just so good. Even Blaine was impressed with the food.

As the two boys pulled into the parking lot of Kurt's old high school, Kurt's stomach lurched. He wasn't ready for this.

"You ready?" Blaine asked.

"Not really, but here goes nothing." They got out of Blaine's car and walked toward the front office and signed in, lying to the office aide, saying that they were there to "observe" Mr. Schuester and that he knew they were coming. That's how a lot of people got in, so Kurt knew it would work. Blaine grabbed Kurt's hand as they walked down the hallway to the music room that had once provided sanctuary for him, but now held a world of pain and regret.


	5. Chapter 5

Catch A Falling Star

Chapter Five: Breathe

Disclaimer: I have nothing to do with Glee, Ryan Murphy or Fox, I'm just writing.

Will Schuester, the curly haired coach of New Directions, McKinley High's glee club pulled into the parking lot at 7:00 AM just as he did every morning. He unbuckled his seatbelt, grabbed his briefcase and started for the building. It was grey and gloomy, the same as every other day this time of year. He walked through the parking lot, barely speckled with cars this early, and caught sight of a strawberry blonde woman, sitting with her arms folded across her black cardigan. "Odd," he thought, "Emma usually never wears such a dark color. Must be the new husband's influence." His inner monologue was running wild as he approached her. "Hey, what's going on? Why are you here so early?"

"Why don't you come into my office, Will? I have something rather unsettling to tell you," Emma said. She seemed rather upset about something.

As they walked through the hallways to get to the guidance counselor's office, he realized that this was the first time they had spoken since he had suggested that they needed to distance themselves. What could she need to tell him? If it wasn't that this whole marriage thing was just a fake, he wasn't too interested. He mustered up the courage and just spoke, "What is this about, Emma?"

"Will, please. Let's wait until we're not where anyone can hear."

"There's no one around. What difference does it make if we're behind closed doors."

"Quite a bit, honestly."

"Fine, can you at least answer me one question?"

"Sure."

"Does this have anything to do with us?"

The woman's jaw dropped slightly. She was more than a bit taken aback by the mention of an "us" in reference to the two of them. She knew he was still hurting over the way things had ended between them and, now that she thought of it, she was too. She missed the way they were before Carl had come up. She suddenly wished that that was what she had to say. There were so many things just left unspoken between the two of them. That was never good. But, no. She had gotten some upsetting news the night before and had to be the one to tell Will. She couldn't let him hear it through the grapevine. Her brown eyes searched him for a moment, pleading with him not to make her answer, almost to take back the question. "No," she answered with a sigh, "No, it has nothing to do with us."

"Okay then," Will said sadly as he continued walking toward her office. His pace quickened. He wanted to know what she needed to say. He closed his eyesbriefly as he walked. How could he be so deluded as to believe that maybe she could still hold feelings for her?

A few paces behind, Emma wrung her hands as she walked. "Could he still have feelings for me?" she thought. She had had her marriage annuled just after Christmas. She couldn't take his controlling ways. She needed to be free to do things her own way and he was ruining the niche she had carved for herself. She wanted so badly to just tell Will all of that, that she had never stopped thinking about him, that she had never wanted anyone else but him. But facing the pending news she had to give him, it seemed wrong to tell him that.

Finally, they reached the glass doors to her office. Always the gentleman, Will held the door for her and, instinctively, placed his hand to her back to guide her through the door. As soon as he realized what he was about to do, he pulled his hand back and shoved it deep into his pocket, cursing himself for forgetting yet again.

She didn't sit behind her desk as she usually did when they had one of their chats like this. Instead, she leaned against the desk directly across from where Will sat. This already made him uncomfortable, but he didn't know why. He marked it up to being a recently unfamiliar situation as it was and she was now throwing him for a curve. He placed his hands in his lap and started fiddling with his pant legs, nervously. "So, we're here now, what did you have to tell me, Emma?"

She still didn't know how she was going to tell him this. She still didn't know completely how to explain it to herself. "Will, this is really hard to say. I don't even really know where to start," she said, as she looked at the man who was determined not to look at her. "I got a phone call last night. There's been... Well," she searched for the right words, "There's been a problem with one of the kids." She knew that problem wasn't the right word. It didn't correctly portray the magnitude of the situation. However, she had his attention now. He was looking directly at her, almost as though trying to pull the answer out of her. She had to just spit it out. "Rachel," she began, trying to steady herself as she spoke but seeing the fear and concern in Will's eyes made it almost impossible for her to breathe let alone say what needed to be said. This was the hardest thing her job had ever required her to do, but this was only making it harder. She was already crying. She had to get this out. Taking a deep breath, she continued, "Rachel comitted suicide last night. She was found by her father in the bathtub. They called the paramedics but," she said, closing her eyes and trying to wipe away her tears, "it was too late."

Will stared up at her, tears welling up in his own eyes. These kids meant everything to him. How could this have happened? He couldn't seem to find his voice. He buried his head in his hands.

Looking down at the crumpled form in front of her was more than difficult for Emma to bear. She needed to do something but didn't know what. She quickly swept the box of tissues off her desk and knelt down in front of Will. Hardly knowing what to do, she placed the box beside the two of them and put her hands on his knees. "Will? Are you..." she realized that she was in the middle of asking the most unintelligent question of her life, but forged on anyway, "Are you okay?"

He looked at the woman in front of him. She was clearly at as much of a loss for words as he was, but he knew it was her job to ask these questions. "Yeah, I'm just great," he managed to say at last, finding comfort in sarcasm. He watched her look away ashamedly.

"I'm sorry, Will," she said, getting up and turning away, "I just thought you should know before the kids find out and look to you for answers."

"Emma... Emma wait, stop," Will stammered as he stood up and followed her. He grabbed her arm and turned her to face him. "Thank you for being the one to tell me."

The small woman wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face into his chest. He engulfed her in his arms, tightly, thinking that maybe he could just squeeze all of the pain right out of both of them. After a moment, he heard a stifled sob coming from the redhead he held in his arms. He gently tilted her face up to him and wiped away the tears streaming down her face. As they looked at each other, neither knew what to do next. Will searched her face for any hint and leaned his face close to hers. Heart nearly jumping out of her chest, Emma quickly pulled away from him.

"I think you should go," she stated, wiping away the last line of running mascara from her face which was quickly heating up. "The kids are going to start coming in any minute."

"Emma, please," he said, not knowing what exactly he was asking.

As their eyes met, she knew it was time to let him know, even if not verbally, that she was there for him. She reached up and laced her fingers through his hair, still a bit tacky from the gel and pulled his face toward hers. Their lips met. Every fiber of her being yearned to take on whatever sorrow he felt. She wished that somehow that would work but, she knew it wouldn't.

He closed his eyes and drank in every bit of her. He knew this was wrong. She was married, after all. Still, this was the most right that something had felt in a long time. He ran his hand down her back and pulled her closer. He just needed to feel her nearer to him.

After a few moments, reality set in. This was not the time. They both had things they needed to get done. They pulled away and she placed her hand in his. So much had to be said, but neither party seemed to be able to find the words. Still, their eyes seemed to do the talking their voices couldn't. He saw in her solidarity and strength and love, which he could now tell was still not platonic, no matter what else was going on. She saw in him gratitude and need and fear. Will nodded and said "We'll talk later," as he walked out of the room, leaving Emma to her self to mull over the past few minutes' events.

As Will turned the corner, he heard a voice. A rather groff, but still feminine voice. That of Sue Sylvester, the cheerleading coach. "Wait a minute, Shirley Temple," she called as he walked down the hallway. "I see you're getting a little cherry for your soda, huh?"

"Listen, Sue, I don't need this this morning."

"What's the matter? Cat got your tongue? Or should I say... Counselor got your tongue?"

"Sue, I mean it."

"Oh, William, you know that I couldn't care less what you do with your personal time, but your little dewy-eyed dove in there is a married woman. Be careful, there. You're playing with fire and I'm not just talking about her atrocious choice of hair color."

Will couldn't take anymore of this. He would make one last stand to Sue today before completely losing his cool. She could say whatever she wanted to him, but right now, she needed to leave anyone else out of this. "SUE! You are going to listen to me and you are going to listen to me good," Will said through clenched teeth as he jabbed an extended index finger at the tall woman in front of him, "There has been a terrible occurance and I need you to lay off of me and my kids for the next couple of days. I know that this is something that is not in your vocabulary and I'm sure that you think that death is for the weak, but one of my kids died last night," he was coming on strong, but that was the only way he could ever get through to her. She told him frequently that she hated him, but he needed her to stay out of his way, "Legitimately died. We have regionals in about a week. I don't need you getting in my way or giving me any unwarranted flack. Once we get back, you can do or say whatever you need, but this is a mandatory cease fire for the next couple of days. If you won't listen to me, I will go over your head and I mean it." He took a deep breath to calm himself down.

"If you're finished," Sue said ever-so calmly, "I'd just like to say that I'm sorry for your loss. There won't be any need to go 'over my head' as you so aptly put it, not that you could reach that high, but I can assure you that I will back off, but you can bet on your lifetime's supply of L.A. Looks that I will be back with a vengence come next week." With that, the track suit-clad woman turned on her heel and strode away.

"Thank you," the choir director called after her. She waved coolly over her shoulder back at him and turned the corner off to terrorize some other unsuspecting teacher.

He wasn't sure how he was going to get through to rehersal today but he had to somehow. He reached for his iPod and put it on random. "Funny," he thought, "how sometimes fate knows what songs you need."

_Somewhere beyond two pale blue eyes  
You got a feeling that something here ain't right  
So you keep them closed with all your might  
And live your life even though your heart is on the line  
Still you sway in silence killing time with wine_

He was already very much behind where he needed to be with his morning routine and he was determined to go on with business as usual today. Still, he couldn't help but sing along when something this fitting came on.

_Every moment hit below the waterline_

_A tear in the design  
The band's still playing but the captain resigns  
And as we're all going down  
She's trying hard not to drown  
_

As he moved to the music, Mr. Schuester felt himself melting into the song. Everything he could think and feel was being transcended through his headphones and out as he sang. He jumped onto the desk.

_Fallen  
Maid of earth wind and fire  
By the hands of your lies  
Wiseman looks up from his cold crystal ball  
While he cries Utopia dies  
_

From that vantage point, he was reminded how last year, Rachel had looked up at him as he sang to her, trying to explain to her that he couldn't reciprocate the feelings she had for him. It all seemed so long ago now as he jumped and landed perfectly on his feet.

_You know it's only up to you  
But you don't want to believe what you know is true  
Still hiding behind your mirrors blue  
What will you do every time your children turn to you?  
Wondering when the world is gone, will we go too?  
_

He wandered out of his spanish classroom and toward the choir room. What was he going to tell the rest of the group? They all sort of looked to Rachel for guidance. Even he did. She was the best performer they had. What were they going to do without her, especially this close to a competition.

_Every moment hit below the waterline  
A tear in the design  
The band's still playing but the captain resigns  
And as we're all going down  
She tries in vain not to drown  
_

He scrawled a note on the board that read: All of Mr. Schue's classes and ND, please meet in the auditorium today. He stared up at the words and then erased them on the spot. It didn't seem right to take the kids out of anything else that was normal today. This was going to be tough enough as it was.

_Fallen  
Maid of earth wind and fire  
By the hands of your lies  
Wiseman looks up from his cold crystal ball  
While he cries Utopia dies  
_

Images of the girl's smile and attitude flashed before his eyes. In an effort to shake them, he closed his eyes. Still, they persisted. He could almost hear her persisting about doing something different.

_Please Tell us a story of oceans and skies  
Let's imagine this beautiful paradise before us rise  
Now open your eyes  
Watching this land  
Once majestic and grand  
Still I can't feel the truth in my hand  
I keep spreading this bad disease  
And fall down on my knees  
Because I'm here to confess  
And I'm sorry goddess!  
But she's quiet today  
Silent as if to say;  
-Fly away!_

Yesterday, he should have said something. Done something. It was so unlike her. He had Emma call but, that obviously hadn't been enough. He could have just aknowledged it to her. It might not have done anything, but there was always that chance. __

Fallen  
Maid of earth wind and fire  
By the hands of your lies  
Wiseman looks up from his cold crystal ball  
While he cries Utopia dies

He heard the bell over the final strains of the song and stuffed his iPod back into his bag and headed off to start what was sure to be a ridiculously long day.


	6. Chapter 6

Catch a Falling Star

Chapter Six: Fleeting Moments

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or anything affiliated therein.

A/N: I'm sorry if this chapter runs a little long. There's a lot going on for the Gleeks at this point in the story and I didn't want to rush it. Also, I want to take this time to thank two of my very closest friends for putting up with my shit as I'm writing this and also never failing to lend a helping hand

The clock struck three as the last of the members of New Directions filtered into the classroom. Everyone seemed a bit on edge. No one had seen Rachel today and Finn was acting weird. Well, weirder than normal, as Santana was quick to point out. The quarterback looked like he had been crying all day. He entered the room with not so much as a hint of his normal cool guy confidence and headed straight for a chair in the back corner where he slumped down. There was quite a chatter around the room as Mr. Schue walked in.

"Hi, guys," said their director, solemnly. "I have some, uh... some really horrible news for you all... and I don't... I don't even know where to start..."

Variations on "What is it, Mr. Schue?" rang out from all over the room. Every voice normally raised in song was now raised in concerned query. Every voice, that is, except one and that was the face that drew Will's attention first. As Finn curled himself tighter into a ball and pressed his face into his knees. The teacher walked back to him and placed a hand on the shoulders of the tall boy he now stood behind. "Last night, there was a bit of a tragedy and, well, we... uh..." he stammered, not knowing how to phrase what needed to be said, "We lost Rachel."

"Lost her?" Mercedes led the incoming of chatter and questions involving what had just been said.

"What do you mean lost?" Puck asked, seeming a bit more outraged than the rest.

"I'm sure we can get her back," Artie said earnestly.

"She loves Glee too much to stay away," Santana stated.

"Tragedy? Aren't you getting a bit melodramatic on us now?" Tina asked, not able to get past the usage of such a strong word.

"I lost my puppy once," Brittany chimed in as she leaned on Artie's shoulder. "I cried for days."

The entire room was talking over one another to the point that Will hardly heard the knock on the door. He left the chattering group and opened it. He was almost relieved to see Kurt and his friend at the door. It was like having the family there together.

"Mr. Schue," Kurt flung his arms around the teacher's neck, not knowing whether or not it was appropriate. "This is Blaine, the friend I was telling you about over Christmas."

"Hi, I'm pleased to meet you," the shorter boy said, almost businesslike "I thought it would be best for Kurt to be here, considering the circumstances."

As Blaine continued to explain why they were there to the now confused and off track teacher, Kurt caught sight of the huddled mass that was his step-brother. He tossed aside his bag and walked directly to him and crouched down, ignoring the mass of people who were now vying for his attention. "Finn," he said, placing his hands on the other boy's arms, "Finn, has he told them yet?"

Finn looked up and saw the boy's face directly in front of his and jumped a bit. "Kurt! Uh, no, he was just about to," Finn said as he burst into tears again.

"I'm here," Kurt wrapped his arms around Finn's seemingly diminished form, "I've got you." He looked up at the concerned faces that were now staring at the two of them. "Mercedes, honey, can you grab two chairs for me? Thanks, love." As the girl did, Kurt just shook his head at the rest of them, signaling that now was not the time for him to answer them. As Mercedes brought the chairs for Kurt and Blaine, he released Finn only for a moment to grab her by the wrist and pull her into a hug.

She didn't know what was going on but now Mercedes was positive that whatever Mr. Schue was saying about losing Rachel couldn't be undone... What did he mean, though?

"Alright guys, sorry about that. Kurt, do you want to introduce your friend to everyone and then I'll get back to what I was saying?"

Kurt shot a questioning look at Mr. Schue. He really didn't know what to say, did he. "Uh... sure, everyone, this is Blaine," he looked at the curly haired boy, unsure if this was the time to bring up what he actually was but the small smile on his face led him to say it anyway, "my boyfriend." He fidgeted his hands a bit and then sat down and yanked Blaine down next to him. This wasn't the time or place for introductions. His relationship with Blaine wasn't quite as important for them to know right now.

With a deep breath, Will steadied himself against the piano for what he needed to say. As he looked at the twelve young people looking up at him or around at each other, he fought with how to put this delicately. The more he thought the more he came to realize that there was no way to sugar coat this. He just needed to get this out. "Last night, Rachel... she... Well, she ended..." he was stammering over his words. He had never expected to have to say these words to anyone, "She killed herself. She's dead."

As he spoke, the faces of the students blanched and wore expressions of extreme shock, sadness and disbelief. How could this have happened? She was alright yesterday. If she was that ripped up about something, why didn't she just say something? But she did. They had all realized that there was something funny about the song choice yesterday but no one thought anything of it. That's how it goes, after all. Hindsight is 20/20.

It was a solid five minutes before anyone worked up the courage to speak. The first one to do so was Puck. "Does anyone know why?"

"Yeah, was there a note or something?" asked Artie.

"I'm not sure, guys," Will answered, "I didn't actually get to talk to her parents."

By this point Finn had released his grip of his stepbrother, which he wasn't quite sure when he had started that in the first place. Kurt squeezed his hand one last time for solidarity and sat back up straight. It was odd being back in this room with his old group under such circumstances.

"Mr. Schue, when will Rachel be coming back?" Brittany asked. Her child-like innocence was something that everyone loved about her. The entire group stared at Mr. Schue, wondering how he would field this question. Artie held her a little closer and leaned against her head.

"Well, Brittany," the teacher started, "she won't be. Rachel won't be coming back."

"Oh," she said. "Well, what are we going to do without her? She was sort of the center of all of us."

Again, Brittany had just said a mouthful. She was sort of the force that drove them all together and the dynamic was going to be off without her, not to mention that she was the strongest performer of them all. The room fell silent again.

Artie held the blonde tightly. Sometimes, he really worried about her. She was so naive, sometimes, despite how worldly she could be. She honestly cared about everyone and everything. He wanted to just preserve that innocence for her, but at the same time she needed to get this. He'd explain it to her later, when he could sit down with her and talk about it. Rachel would be coming back at the same time that he would walk.

Suddenly, realization dawned. "Doesn't that make us short one person for regionals?" asked Quinn.

As it hit all of them, they looked at Mr. Schue, once again, for guidance. They were in fact one person short now. They'd have to find someone, and fast. They had barely found Lauren in time for sectionals. She sat quietly in the back of the room as usual, munching on Raisinets. No one could really tell what was going on with her, so they didn't really bother. She didn't really care too much for them either. It didn't seem like any of this fazed her. She was only here because she wanted Puck.

Mike and Tina sat in the center of the room, her head resting on his shoulder. Even though they had been fighting all day, they knew that when it came down to it, their petty fight didn't matter right now. What mattered was being there for each other and for everyone else.

In their back corner, Sam and Quinn sat stunned. Quinn couldn't help but remember one specific thing that she had said to Rachel about wanting to punch her every time she spoke. She didn't know if it mattered but she could hear her own voice reverberating in her head. What made her say that? Sure, Rachel was annoying but there was no reason for that. It was completely uncalled for and she wanted desperately to take it back, but she couldn't. She couldn't take any of what she had said back. It was too late. Sam put an arm around her for comfort and she reflexively pushed him away. She needed space, but Sam was persistent. That was one of the more annoying things about him; he was just as stubborn as she. They butted heads constantly. This would surely lead to another fight. Why couldn't he just take no for an answer sometimes? This was not the moment. Even if he didn't know Rachel well, he should just respect what she needed. That was the thing, though; she never told him. She expected him to know. He just wasn't that in tune to girls. He was never around them that much, so this was all reasonably new to him. He was upset about Rachel, sure, but he couldn't do anything about that and he wanted to be there for his girlfriend but she wouldn't let him.

Mercedes had moved from the chair where she sat next to Puck to the floor between Kurt and Finn. As she rested her head on Kurt's leg, she thought only of Rachel. Their egos had met on several occasions, but Mercedes really did like the girl, no matter how infuriating she could be. They were really starting to become close, now. That was mainly because of Kurt but whatever the cause was, Rachel was probably the closest friend that Mercedes had in glee.

Kurt clung tightly to Blaine. How could Rachel be gone? This wasn't fair. The girl was so beautiful, bright and talented, however neurotic. It didn't seem to fit. What was so wrong that she felt that she needed to take her own life? He felt terrible dragging Blaine into all of this, but he really needed him. There was only so much one person could handle and Kurt was slowly reaching his limit.

Finn looked around the room. He didn't know what he was looking for, but he wasn't sure that he'd be able to find it even if he did. His eyes were sore and red from all of the crying. He was never much of a crier. Even through all of the mess with Quinn last year, he only cried a little sparsely. This was different. He felt empty and still he felt it was all his fault. He should have told her everything before she left the day before. She just walked away and he didn't try to stop her.

The only person in the room to be crying currently, however, was Santana. She was so unbelievably cruel to Rachel the entire time she had known her. It wasn't that she really disliked the girl, but she had such a light that shone wherever she went that the Latina didn't have and that would never work in her world. Santana always had to have the upper hand and if that meant stomping out the competition, so be it. She searched the room, looking for someone to comfort her, but the only people who had ever cared about her were too busy right now. Brit had Artie and Puck seemed really angry about something and she knew better than to get in his way when she did. She was alone.

Santana was definitely right about one of her observations, though; Puck was fuming. He wouldn't tell anyone why. He wouldn't even look at anyone. He just clenched his fists and gritted his teeth. Everyone just assumed that this was his way of dealing with things and just didn't ask.

As he looked around at the kids, he couldn't help but feel guilty. He had been too harsh. He just wasn't very good at these things and he really didn't care to get any better at it. This was among the hardest things he had ever had to do. They were so stressed out as it was; all of them. He didn't want to seem cold, but they really did need to get going. Maybe he should just call it a day? That seemed to be the best thing to do. "Guys, what do you say to calling it a day for today? You guys all seem to be at a loss, and that's to be expected. Just take care of yourselves and each other, okay? Get going."

Everyone stared at him blankly for a moment. "Wait, are you serious?" Finn asked. "We only have a couple of days until Regionals and we have to devise a whole new set list." He wasn't sure what was causing him to say this. "Guys, we can't go. Rachel wouldn't have wanted that. We need to go on."

"Do you guys agree with Finn?" A chorus of responses, all to the same tone flew at him. He was taken aback by how motivated they had all become. In the face of adversity, these kids really did come together. They all needed to do this, not only for themselves but for her. That was why he had always stuck up for them all. They were their own family. "Alright, then, let's figure this out. First order of business..." As the teacher's voice trailed off into the buzz of the students, still visibly affected by this Earth-shattering news, it was clear that they were moving into uncharted waters, but at least they had each other.

* * *

The next day was no smoother for the New Directions. They had decided the day before, through tangled emotions and egos, that they needed a new member and a new set list. They didn't have anyone who could do things the same way as Rachel and it would hurt too much to do the routines without her.

Unbeknownst to anyone else, Puck had almost taken that role upon himself. When they needed someone to take the vacant spot once occupied by Kurt, he found Lauren Zises. Well, more so Lauren found him but he would never let anyone else know that. No one else had had such luck and, being who he was, he could get _anyone_ to join. He knew that. Still, he wasn't feeling like himself. He tried desperately to shake it off and concentrate on the task at hand. As he sat in his desk in the back of his history class, thankfully they had Miss Holliday for a sub so he could just let his mind completely go, he pondered the possibilities. "That Sunfire chick or whatever her name was was pretty good," he thought to himself. Still, it wouldn't be right. Rachel hadn't wanted her in the group before so to replace her with the girl would be downright rude. There didn't seem to be anyone else. They had had fun with the sub. She was hot enough to pass off as a student, but he knew that would never work. They had tried it with April Rhodes last year and it didn't fly.

He scanned the room for anyone who might do it but he couldn't seem to concentrate on much. There was someone tapping out a pretty intricate beat and it was really grating on his nerves. He turned around to give the kid a piece of his mind when it hit him. The kid obviously had skills. The football player surveyed the row behind him for the source of the percussion. The new guy? He hadn't expected that. Normally, he just stuffed new kids in the dumpster like anyone else. This kid didn't seem like he'd put up with that.

"Hey, you," Puck said, trying only to get the guy's attention.

"What do you want?"

Clearly this kid's defenses were still up. He'd have to keep the attitude in check if he wasn't going to get himself into trouble here, but still, there was something about this guy that Puck had to respect. He knew that this kid wasn't going to take anyone's shit. However, he realized these were the first words Puck had ever heard the kid speak. He realized he was taking too much time to answer the new kid. "You into music?"

"No. I just manage to somehow come up with drum line cadences out of thin air." The boy's dark eyes shone as he flipped his long dark hair to one side, revealing that the lower half of his hair was shaved.

So, the kid was an individual. Puck was already taking a liking to this kid, and he didn't take a liking to many. "Alright, I get it. Stupid question." He knew this kid wasn't going to take anything less than honesty. This wasn't like him, but it had to be done. They needed to do this. "Look, we have this glee club. I think you might be interested, yes?"

"I was in choir at my old school. Why not give it a shot?" The kid didn't seem entirely convinced but he seemed like he was genuinely going to at least check it out.

"Cool," Puck offered out his hand. "I'm Noah, but most people call me Puck." In the back of his mind, he thought about how there were only 3 people who'd ever called him Noah; his mother, his little sister and Rachel. No, he needed to get her out of his head.

The other boy carefully looked at Puck before accepting his hand and shaking it firmly, despite the size of his hands. "Joe," he said.

"Awesome," Puck nodded. "So, Joe, I'll meet you back here after school and we'll go down to the choir room together. Sound good?"

"Yeah, cool," he said, putting his hair up in a bun with his pen, picking up his binder and walking purposefully out of the room on the bell.

Score two, Puckerman. They all owed him dinner at Breadsticks for this one. What would they do without him? As this thought left his brain, another one slid in. What was he going to do without Rachel?

* * *

Joe stood up against the locker bank, his brown eyes stared at his black shoes. He was definitely happy to be accepted here, especially into their music department. Maybe he could get used to it here after all. These guys obviously would never take the place of his old friends, but this guy seemed pretty cool. He wasn't like the other member of the football team he'd encountered.

When he had first transferred, he saw one boy get a slushie thrown at him and then get pushed into a locker. He had dealt with bullying all his life at his other school for his sexuality but wasn't going to go out of his way for it here. He didn't know how many other people dealt with it in McKinley but no one seemed to do much about it. However, this Puck guy had really sweet eyes [and kickass arms, but that was a completely different thing entirely.] Something was obviously bothering him, but it was too early to tell exactly what.

As he shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his vest, he realized how thoroughly alone he'd been the last couple of weeks. He missed his friends. He missed being able to talk to them and just know what they were saying within a word. His best friend at home would walk up to him and he could tell her what was wrong with her before she could open her mouth. It was weird having to read about her life on her blog or read specific details on Skype. He dug the heel of his black dress shoes into the wall behind him. "Where is this guy?" he breathed. If this kid was just being a jackass, he'd have hell to pay. He pushed the sleeves of his purple button down shirt up to his elbows and untied the bandanna he kept around his wrist. Under that stared up at him the word 'love' in his flowing script. It was something he did to keep his mind settled. It reminded him that it really does get better. As he traced his thumb over the curves of the letters, he heard footsteps getting closer to him. "Finally," he said. "I... I was beginning to wonder..."

"What? If I was serious?" Puck asked, incredulously. "I was completely serious. Come on, it's close to 3."

Joe looked up at the other boy. He had never realized just how tall Puck was, even though he'd been sitting behind him from the start. He breathed deeply and closed his eyes. He didn't really move right away. It was as if he had just spouted roots. Puck turned back around and saw the apprehension in the smaller boy's face. He walked back and put an arm around his shoulders. "Come on. We don't bite. Unless that's what you're into..."

Joe's heart jumped. Could he be? That would be too incredible for words. His mind raced as he followed the varsity jock to the choir room.

There were already a handful of people in the room when they got there. "Yo, Artie. Mercedes. Santana," Puck said with a nod to each of them.

Artie wheeled over to the newcomer. "Hi, you must be Joe," he said, offering a hand. "Puck told me he thought he had found a new member. We really need you."

"Yeah, that's me."

After this brief, polite encounter, Artie turned himself around and crossed to Santana handing her some sheet music to look over. "Well, at least I haven't missed much," Joe thought to himself. "They're just handing out the music."

Mercedes looked the boy up and down. His fashion was a lot like Kurt's. This left a million questions in the resident diva's head. "Hey, I'm Mercedes."

"Hey, nice to meet you," he said, returning the gaze. He could already tell he was going to like her.

A few more people started filtering in and they were introduced. Finn, Mike, Tina, Sam, Quinn, Brittany, Lauren... He could handle that. Was this the extent of their choir? If so, this was definitely going to be a change. His choir at his old school had been something like 130 people. He had never really checked but there were quite a few.

After a few more minutes, their teacher came in. Mr. Schuester looked a bit distraught. As a matter of fact, now that he really thought about it, they all did. "Hey, Mr. Schue, I think I got us someone," Puck said from where he was now situated next to the new boy. "This is Joe."

"Hi, Joe," Mr. Schuester said, sounding almost resigned. "I don't know how much they've all told you..."

"Nothing at all," Joe responded, not knowing whether or not this was an entrance for a response but not particularly caring.

"Well, we've just... uh... lost a member and for our competition next week we need to have a minimum of twelve and that would be you."

"What happened to the other member?" he asked looking first at the director and then over at Puck who was staring at his hands which he held folded in his lap.

"Uh... She took her life a few nights ago." The man was clearly struggling with this. He really didn't know how to handle this situation. He had been through tough times before but never like this.

Joe looked completely taken aback. He ran his hand over the word on his wrist again. "And your competition is when?"

"Next Saturday."

"Okay... wow."

"Also, Rachel's parents have just asked me if we would sing something at the memorial service which is this upcoming Wednesday night." The rest of the group looked around at each other, as though they had expected that this was to happen. "So, let's just get to this right away. Artie and Santana, you said yesterday that you were going to take this first song, right?"

"Yep," the beautiful Latina stood up and walked over to Artie, pushing him to the center of the room.

"And Mike and Brittany, you've got something planned to accompany them too, right?"

"Yeah, Mr. Schue," Mike said as he stood up and gestured for Brittany to follow him.

"Alright. Let's get started, then."

The four took their places. Brittany laid on the floor and Mike stood over her, a few paces away. Santana sat on the arm of Artie's wheelchair. The piano started. Mike took a few slow steps to her and as Artie began to sing, he reached for her arm to lift her up.

_Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?  
Forgive my broken promise that you'll never see me cry  
_

The taller boy took the blonde in his arms and ran a hand down her cheek and spun her away, only to pull her right back in. He released her and spun away himself. Gracefully, he leapt into a turn and contracted himself in. Santana began to sing.

_And everything, it will surely change  
Even if I tell you I won't go away today_

The two dancers moved in perfect unison. Every step was delicate, precise, as if a misstep would cause them more pain than they already felt. The boy swept the girl into his arms and held her tightly. She looked down and ran her arms over his. The singers joined together.

_Will you think that you're all alone  
When no one's there to hold your hand?_

Brittany stepped away from Mike as he executed fouette after fouette*. The blonde reached for him but seeing him not reaching back, she pulled her hands back to her chest and folded herself to the ground.

_When all you know seems so far away  
And everything is temporary, rest your head  
I'm permanent  
_

She tightly spun herself back to her partner. He pulled her hands over her head and brought her to lean against his shoulder, then lifted her directly into the air and took a few steps before putting her back on solid ground. Santana began again.

_I know he's living in hell every single day  
And so I ask, oh God is there some way for me to take his place?_

Brittany stepped aside and reached her arms to the sky. Mike grabbed her waist and pulled her to him, turning her around to face him. The two swayed together for a moment before he pulled her closer, his strong arms showing to the whole room. Everyone felt what the two dancers were portraying. It was the most moving performance that had ever gone on in the room. Joe sat flabbergasted, near tears. He had never seen so much passion in a performance. Sure, he had seen beautiful dancers, but Mike and Brittany had this innate ability of making you understand everything and the vocals fit beautifully. Truth be told, he was a bit intimidated. He looked around a room and realized that if he were to cry, it would be acceptable. Everyone else was clinging to each other in tears. It seemed the only ones not crying were himself and the performers. Again, the boy's voice rang out, stronger than before. It was becoming a struggle for even the singers to maintain their composure.

_And when they say it's all touch and go  
I wish I could make it go away but still you say_

The two dancers pirouetted toward each other and touched hands briefly, pulling them back almost instantly before Mike, more solidly this time, grabbed Brittany by the wrist and turned her under his arm. She stretched her right arm and leg out far behind her. It was easy to see the precision and care taken in each movement, no matter how effortless it seemed. She rolled back into Mike as Artie and Santana took up their harmonies again.

Will you think that you're all alone  
When no one's there to hold your hand?

Brittany entered a series of Jete Tournant** around Mike, who seemed to be fighting some invisible force of nature directly in front of him. He dropped to his knees.

_When all you know seems so far away  
And everything is temporary, rest your head  
I'm permanent, I'm permanent_

From opposite sides of the room now, Brittany and Mike reached their arms to one another, not coming close to touching. Mike threw his arms back over his head and raised to his feet as Brittany moved into a strong pencil turn, spinning easily and moving her hands from her sides up over her head.

_Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?  
Forgive my promise that you'll never see me cry_

Mike caught Brittany as she came out of the turn and gently lowered her to the ground and took two drawn steps backward. He turned his face away from the onlookers as he drew his hand up his side and over his face.

The entire room sat in silence. No one knew what to do. They were all crying, even the ones that had been performing. Artie had helped Brittany up and she was now sitting in his lap with her arms around his neck. Santana had nearly thrown herself into the seat on the other side of Puck and he easily swept her into his strong arms. Mike walked slowly back to his seat next to Tina, who grabbed his hand and pulled it around her.

"Do you four think that you can replicate that next week?" Mr. Schuester asked, through his tears. They all nodded. "Then that's our first number. That leaves two more."

Joe looked around. He didn't know what to think of this seemingly ragtag group of people. They all were solidly there for each other and that was really moving. Something inside of him needed to be a part of this.

"So, what do you think, Joe? Are you willing to stay on with us?"

He knew his answer right away, but he also was struggling with how to say it. "Well," he started, "At the risk of drowning if I stay much longer," he looked around at the room full of people giggling as they wiped away their tears, thankful that they didn't get offended at his weak attempt at a joke as he dabbed at his own eyes, "I will definitely stay."

"There we go, gang. We're back on track," Mr. Schuester said, relief coming back, however marginally, to his voice. "Monday, we're going to start with the rest of the songs. Try to relax this weekend if you can. We have a long week ahead of us."

The entire group stood except the tall boy in the back corner. "Finn," Santana said, offering a hand, "Come on, love. I'll walk you to your car."

"No. I'm fine."

"I'm actually going with him, San," Mercedes said. "I drove him in this morning and Kurt wanted to hang out tonight since he's home."

"Alright, as long as he's not alone," Santana replied, hugging them both.

"Why can't I be alone?" Finn objected. "What if that's what I want?"

"I didn't mean…" Santana started, "Look, Finn, I just meant that none of us should be alone tonight." She searched the boy's eyes for some sort of sign that he understood that she was being sincere, but when she realized it wasn't there, she turned away and grabbed her bag. She knew that she held a lot of the blame for Rachel's suicide in most people's eyes but she was hurt by the whole thing, too. "I'm not as heartless as you seem to think."

Puck saw how hurt she was and pulled her in close. "Come with me. We'll watch a movie or something, just talk. You're right, no one should be alone." Joe was just getting ready to get up and leave when the conversation turned to him. "What about you? Any plans for tonight?"

"No, but I don't want to intrude…"

"Don't even worry about it," Santana said, "You're one of us now, so we're family… no matter how dysfunctional we are."

"Alright, then. I guess I'm game."

The three walked out of the building together, chatting freely as they all piled into Puck's truck and headed off.

*Fouette is a ballet term literally meaning "whipped" indicating the turn of the alternate leg as it passes the supporting one.

**Jete Tournant is a ballet leap and turn done in what most people would call a split in which the dancer splays themselves across the stage in a circular motion.


	7. Chapter 7

Catch a Falling Star

Chapter Six: Undone

Disclaimer: You know the deal. I don't own Glee or any of the intellectual rights or any of that fun stuff.

A/N: This chapter deals with some... erm... law breaking and other stuff... [Sorry about the loss of eloquence there, I just don't know how to term that without giving too much away.] I don't condone the actions that take place in this chapter. Read at your own discretion.

The dark red pickup truck slowed to a stop outside of a quaint house. "Cute. Even down to the white picket fence. Very middle America," Joe thought. Then, he remembered, "This _is _middle America."

"Alright, outta my truck," Puck said, with a sarcastic force.

Joe almost wanted to remain sitting, however he wasn't familiar enough with them to do so and risk offending anyone. He opened the door and slid off of the vinyl seat, followed closely by a blur of red and white cheerleading uniform.

With a yelp, Santana was clinging to his back. "Sorry," she giggled. "Vinyl seats and this lovely uniform make it almost like an eject button."

"Not a problem," Joe replied, helping the girl regain her footing.

"She's used to it," Puck said and slapped her ass as he came around the truck. "Let's get inside, it's freezing."

The three walked up the path to the door and into the house. "Noah!" squealed a voice. Joe wondered about the source and looked to Santana who smiled and folded her arms, already aware of the scene about to unfold. A small girl came skittering down the stairs. She was just as tan as Puck, but she had long flowing dark hair and the biggest brown eyes. Come to think of it, she almost looked like a miniature Santana. The child threw her arms around Puck's waist and buried her face in his shirt. "NOAH!" she said with a finite claim.

Puck swept the tiny girl into his arms effortlessly, despite the groan he let out to give her the impression that she was getting to be too big for this and perched her on his hip. Hugging her tightly, he said "Hi, Lily." He turned to Joe, "Joe, this is my little sister, Lily. Lily, this is my friend Joe. Can you say 'hi'?" The girl buried her face again into the boy's neck.

Joe's heart was melting. There was nothing more heartwarming than a guy who was good with kids. What a surprise coming from Puck, though. He seemed like such a hard ass.

Santana walked over to the two. "What about me, Miss Lily? Are you gonna hide from me, too?" she asked with a toss of her hair.

"SAN!" Lily exclaimed as she reached to her, signaling Noah to hand her over. "I missed you!"

"I missed you too, pretty girl."

"Lil, where's Mom?" Puck asked his little sister.

"She went out."

"And left you alone?"

"Yeah, but I'm alright."

"Well, that's obvious," he said, grabbing her back from Santana and swinging her around in the air, "but you still can't be too careful." As he finished this statement, he released and tightened his grip on her, feigning a drop.

"Nooooahhhhh," the girl whined, sensing her brother's protective side.

"Alright, go back upstairs and play," he said, scooting her along to the stairs. As soon as she was back upstairs and out of earshot, he added "We'll go downstairs and '_play'_ as soon as I figure out what happened with my mother." Santana nodded and sank into the large brown armchair in front of the windows. Joe followed suit and sat in the end seat of the couch as he watched Puck pace the living room. Puck pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed his mother. "Mom," he started, "Where are you?" There was a long pause. He seemed a bit annoyed. "Oh… So you won't be home at all, then?" Another pause as he rubbed his forehead. "And when were you planning on telling me this? Does she know?" He exhaled sharply. "Alright, I'll tell her. I'll talk to you later." With that, the boy hung up. "Well, I'm just glad they didn't come to get her before I got home."

"What happened?" Santana asked, concerned.

"She's out with some friends for the weekend. She'll be home Sunday. My grandmother is coming to get Lily in a half hour."

"Oh," she was at a loss for words.

Joe followed the conversation between the two. He knew that everyone had secrets but he wasn't quite prepared for them to all be put out on the table like this right away. He had expected that the kid came from a troubled home life and that school was a relief for him, but who can guess that it goes this far. Where was his father? He didn't dare ask. If it was as bad as he suspected, he might not even know his father. A million questions about Puck swirled in his head.

"I have to go make sure she's packed. You guys can head downstairs," Puck said as he walked up the stairs to his sister's room.

"Alright then, it's down this way," Santana said, pulling Joe up from the couch and leading him down the hallway.

"Does this happen often?"

"Pretty much every other weekend," she sighed. "He tries to pass it off as though it doesn't bother him but it really does. Still, he tries to pretend like something's gonna happen to change it." She pulled open the door to the basement and leaned on the door jam. "I don't know if he'll ever realize that it won't." She looked back at the near stranger, searching him. Something about him put her at ease. It was almost like talking to herself in male form. Still, she knew she shouldn't reveal much more about Puck to him.

They descended the stairs into the basement. Puck seemed to have made the basement his own apartment. Santana headed over to the light switch. When the lights came up, Joe saw that he was right. This room was amazing, despite the faux-wood paneling on the walls which were in desperate need of help. One side of the basement was the clear living area. There was a wrap around sofa, a large cocktail table, a mini-fridge, a microwave, and an entertainment center. On the other side was the bedroom. He had a large wooden four poster bead and matching furniture. White and Red Christmas lights dangled everywhere. Separating the two areas hung a red, sheer curtain which was currently fastened to a hook on the wall, leaving the room undivided. This was the coolest room he'd ever been in. Clearly, Puck spent a lot of time down here. Santana threw her cheerio's jacket onto the couch and plopped down, crossing her long legs as she did.

"Sit down," she said.

Joe obliged. As he did, he realized how stifling his vest and shirt were becoming. He took off the vest and put it on top of Santana's jacket and unbuttoned his shirt, revealing the marching band t-shirt underneath. Sometimes he hated that he felt the need to dress so well. He continued to gawk around the room as he made himself more comfortable.

"Yeah, it's pretty cool down here. It definitely has had more than its fair share of usage, though."

Joe nodded. He wasn't really sure what she meant, but he didn't feel that it was his place to ask. If she was going to explain, she would.

"You're quiet."

"Yeah…" Why was she stating the obvious?

"Is that a normal thing or…?"

"Uh… I guess I'm just a little unfamiliar with this whole thing," he replied. It was more than true. He didn't open up to people easily. Hell, there were things that even his oldest friends didn't know about him. But, this was a new place so he might as well try and gain some sort of alliances here.

They heard the front door close and some footsteps. Moments later, Puck appeared on the steps. "So, let's get down to business."

"To defeat the Huns," Joe sang in response. Realizing that the other two were exchanging glances, he pulled his knees to his chest and added, "Sorry, it's a compulsion. Sorry."

Puck jumped from where he stood on the steps. "DID THEY SEND ME DAUGHERS WHEN I ASKED FOR SONS?" he sang, feigning karate moves.

Santana sprang up and started jumping on the couch and began singing along. "YOU'RE THE SADDEST BUNCH I'VE EVER MET," she pulled Joe up to start jumping with her and they all continued. "AND YOU CAN BET BEFORE WE'RE THROUGH… MISTER I'LL MAKE A MAN OUT OF YOU!"

The three laughed at their random outburst. It was nice to see that people in the real world acted this way, too.

"So, DD tonight?" Puck asked Santana, enjoying the confusion on Joe's face.

"Oh yeah," she replied looking at their new friend.

"DD?" he asked.

"Drunken Disney," the girl responded with a tone that made it sound like this was something they did regularly.

Joe nodded, a light of understanding falling over his face. Okay, so maybe they weren't so different from his friends back home. This was totally something that they would do.

The football player headed back to the stairs. "I'll go grab a couple out of Lily's room. Any requests?"

"Aladdin, bro," Santana said, excitedly. Her enthusiasm rivaled that of the little girl who had thrown herself at Puck earlier.

"Joe?"

"Lion King."

"Okay. I'll be right back. San, grab the booze. You know where it is. "

She popped up off the couch and crossed to the table where the mini-fridge was. Underneath was a small filing cabinet. She reached deep into the back and pulled out a metal water bottle. Unscrewing the lid, she took a whiff. "Vodka," she declared, to no one in particular. She opened the fridge and looked inside. "Red Bull and pineapple good mixers for you?" she asked over her shoulder."

"Sounds good to me," Joe responded.

"Awesome," she said as she started pouring.

"So," Joe got up from his spot on the couch and walked over to Santana, "You guys seem really different here than you did at rehearsal."

"Yeah, the people there don't necessarily _get _us," Santana explained. "Can you open these?" she asked, handing the energy drinks to Joe, "They all tend to get up on their high horse about some of the things we say and do. Puck and I are both very open about certain things but at the same time there are things that no one knows about us, even each other." She looked over at him. "I can tell that you're the same way."

Joe's eyes widened. "Yeah," he stammered. "Yeah, I guess you could say that."

"Okay," came Puck's voice down the stairs, "I've got something like 6 hours worth of movies so let's get this started." He set the stack of movies down on the table and snapped open the orange case that held the Lion King DVD and put it in the player. As the disk loaded, he walked over to where the other two stood stirring drinks. He put an arm around each of them. "We just about ready?"

The touch of the other boy sent shivers down his spine. Joe grabbed up one of the cups sitting in front of him and put it in the hand that hung over his left shoulder. "Yup," he responded. This was not okay. Puck was _obviously _straight. He couldn't keep falling for straight guys. Was that was this was? Was he actually falling for this guy? He'd only really known him a day… not that he hadn't been telling his best friend from back in Pennsylvania about the "the guy with the Jesus tan, Mohawk and arms that would make Charles Atlas jealous" for weeks. Hell, it was to the point that he almost regretted bringing him up to her because all she did was pester him about him. It was almost like she was living vicariously through him.

"Alright, what're we watching first?" Santana asked.

"I figured Lion King. Sound good?"

"Okay."

They all took their places on the sofa. Joe sat on the end closest to the stairs. Puck sat in the middle and Santana sat on the other end with her legs over Puck's lap. He sighed and adjusted himself. He knew she wasn't going to move. However, he also knew she was a lightweight but a heavy hand. He took a sip of his drink to make sure that she had mixed them. He needed to be drunk tonight. With one sip, he could tell. It was easily more vodka than anything else. Good. He put the cup back down and put his arms across the back of the sofa.

The movie played on. The three sang along and laughed and talked through the whole thing. By the end, it was obvious that Santana was getting lifted. "Man, if Matthew Broderick were to come up to me like he did when he was that age… hnnnnnnng." She was lost in thought, rubbing her hands around her back. She started muttering in Spanish. "Quiero foll que el hombre con tanta fuerza que todo lo que pudo hacer es gritar mi nombre."

"Yo también, mami. Yo también," Joe sighed into his drink.

Puck looked between the two of them. He knew that Santana was fluent, obviously, but he didn't expect Joe to be. Either way, he stood up and went to change the movie.

Santana looked shocked and spun around to look at Joe, almost losing her footing. "Usted está moña?"

"Si."

"Puta!" She stumbled over to Joe, "Why didn't you say anything?"

"I didn't know if that was okay here."

"Honey, it's more than okay. No wonder this one scooped you up."

"Excuse me, Santana," Puck said. "What are you talking about me for?"

"No reason, Puck," Santana answered, "Usted debe contarle." The girl giggled a bit, followed by a mischievous, knowing smile.

Joe sat there, contemplating her words and her expression.. Why should he tell him? What difference

Puck was no stranger to drunken Santana. She would probably make it about halfway through this movie so he swept the girl, now squealing with glee, up off her feet and put her on the couch.

"She wanted me to tell you that I'm gay," Joe said, his Brown eyes searching Puck for some sign of a reaction. Normally, he wouldn't have just blurted it out like that, but he guessed that they deserved to know. He was sort of the "go-to" gay at his old school and he seemed to be the only gay guy here, so it was just easier to get it out now before it was too much of a risk. He had never spent much time in the closet and this wasn't going to be any different.

"Oh, cool," Puck said. "Was that all?"

"Uh… yeah. You're really accepting of that," Joe responded. He was confused.

"Yeah. Santana and I are both alike on this," he said, sitting on the coffee table so he could see his face, "sexuality really doesn't matter. We both feel that you should love whoever you want. That gets us both looked at as whores around here but it's just sort of there," Puck realized he was being a bit too real. It was a Little too early for this side of Puck to be shown. He decided to cut this little speech short. "It doesn't matter what's in your pants." Santana giggled at his choice of phrasing.

The menu for the movie played on in the background as the trio sat quietly for a moment. They all had a lot to process right now. Joe had never expected this guy he'd been ogling at to be this open, especially to him. Hell, he probably wouldn't have been this open, himself, if not for the alcohol. Santana was struggling to remember that the room actually didn't spin like this and she was concentrating desperately on maintaining some grasp on what was going on. Losing her battle, she drifted off to sleep. Puck, however, had much more on his mind. He was the least affected by the alcohol. Honestly, he could hardly feel it. That would never do, so he took another sip. He missed Rachel. This was all his fault. He had pressured her. He knew she loved Finn, but he still wanted that shred of hope that there could be something between them again. She was the only one who had ever made him feel like that; Like he wanted to be something more than a Lima Loser. He wanted to go with her to New York, he wanted to just be wherever she was. He didn't even feel like this when he thought that Quinn might have kept Beth. Of course he would have been there for them and done whatever he needed to to take care of them. That still wouldn't have changed him. He still would have walked through the halls of McKinley throwing kids in dumpsters and pelting people with slushies. Rachel was different. He could have killed Finn for hurting her like this.

Not knowing whether it was himself or the alcohol, which had just started to kick in, he spoke. "You know, I asked her to run away with me?"

"Who?" Joe asked.

"Rachel. The girl that…" he trailed off and studied the pattern his sneaker was leaving in the rug. "She and I dated a while back. And we were fooling around right before Christmas break because she found out that her boyfriend slept with Santana before they were together. It was all sort of like that whole 'WE WERE ON A BREAK' thing from Friends." He twisted his hands into the fabric of his jeans. "She just took us as a random fling… it meant more than that to me. And I told her that, which is really unlike me. But I did and she just shrugged it off and said she needed to work things out with Finn." He started to cry. "I really think I could have loved her. A couple of nights before she died, I went to her house and made one last attempt. I told her that I really thought I could love her and she said that she just wasn't sure. I asked her to leave with me that night. Neither of us are doing the world any good here. She needed some sort of closure. I thought she meant with him." He glanced around the room as though looking for something that would make him stop crying. He got up and crossed over to the bed.

Joe didn't know what to do. He decided to follow him. All he knew was that the other boy's thought that he wasn't doing anyone any good here was dead wrong. He was the best thing Joe had found here. They both sat on the bed. Puck sat with his head in his hands. Joe instinctively moved his hand to the other boy's back. He didn't know what it was but he was drawn to him. He needed to do whatever he could to help. Before he knew it, though, Puck was moved to his own catharsis. He grabbed the guitar propped up next to the wall and started singing.

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house  
That don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out  
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while  
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok  
But that's not what gets me_

He seemed to be taking out his frustrations on the strings. As he got more heated, his strum pattern became more strong and deliberate.

_What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that love in you  
Is what I was trying to do  
_

The singer got up off the bed. He paced the room, almost as though these words were his own. In a way, they were. They were proving the point that he couldn't find on his own.

Joe was entranced by the boy's impromptu performance. He could see the pain lessening with every word. All he could do was watch every move the boy made.

_It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go  
But I'm doing It  
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still Harder  
Getting up, getting dressed, living with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken  
_

Being traumatized by the images swimming in his head, Puck continued on. He saw Rachel leaving Glee club that last day, never turning back. He remembered how good she felt in his arms. Still, he imagined what it would be like to move on; to be with someone else. Could he ever have that with someone else?

_What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that love in you  
Is what I was trying to do_

Joe forced himself to stop imagining what would happen if it were himself that Puck was singing for. This was not the time. He needed to be there for his new friend. Still, he couldn't help but imagine himself in those strong arms. He had never felt that envious of a guitar in his life.

_What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do_

His singing was reaching a point of near screams. Somehow, Santana still didn't wake. He forged on. He let the words resonate in every fiber of his being. He could almost feel his emotions pulsing through him, trying to break free. As he riffed over the strongest parts of the phrase, he felt himself letting go. It really did work. He reigned his emotions back in as he brought the song to a close.

_Not seeing that love in you  
That's what I was trying to do_

As he let the last chord ring, Puck looked up at Joe, who was still studying every move that he made. He walked over to the boy sitting on the edge of his four poster bed. Joe extended his arms to bring him in for a hug. The boys stayed in that close embrace for a few moments. Then, caught in the moment, Puck moved in closer. He placed one strong, yet trembling hand on the smaller boy's neck. It just felt right. He kissed him. Very soft but still a kiss. Surprised he pulled himself back. "I'm sorry… That was… I'm sorry.

Joe looked up at the football player. Another drunken hookup – No, that's not what this was. He leaned back, bringing the other boy with him. "Don't apologize," he whispered as he brought his mouth up to Puck's. A smile crossed both of their faces. They both really needed this. As their lips met a second time, Puck closed his eyes, immersing himself in the kiss. He didn't want to feel anything else. Just himself and the boy he found himself slowly climbing on top of. Grabbing a fistful of shirt, Joe brought the strong figure hovering over him closer. He let out a little moan of pleasure. Puck took this as a sign to keep going. He lifted the other boy's arms over his head. He kissed his hands and slowly moved down his arms to his neck. He slid a warm hand under the other boy's shirt and slid it off, tossing it aside. Feeling a bit more daring, Joe sat up a bit and found his hands sliding down, unbuttoning Puck's jeans. As he did, Puck moved for his own shirt, nearly ripping it off, revealing his chiseled abs. Joe ran a hand over the crests and valleys of the boy's stomach. He pushed the boy over onto his back and left a trail of kisses all the way down. Carefully, he ran his thumb over the other boy's pulsing member.

Puck took a deep breath and closed his eyes as he laced his hands through the other boy's hair. "Oh my god…" he gasped.

* * *

Santana woke up the next morning with a splitting headache. She looked around, expecting to see Puck or Joe somewhere. She stood up, cursing herself for mixing those drinks so strong, and stumbled to the fridge. She opened it and grabbed a Gatorade, then opened the filing cabinet underneath and grabbed the bottle of Tylenol. She popped two red and white pills into her mouth and chased them down with a swallow of the red drink and proceeded to figure out where the two boys had gone. The disk menu for Aladdin played on from the night before. Well, the boys hadn't gone missing much longer after she fell asleep… Where were they? She ran her fingers through her hair and walked over to the bed.

"Oh," the girl said, with a laugh. She rubbed her eyes a bit and further examined the scene in front of her. There were clothes strewn everywhere – some over the dresser, some over the head board, some on the floor… none on the two boys sleeping entangled on the bed. "Well… I certainly missed a lot," the Latina said to herself. "I'm just gonna," she pointed at the door. "Why am I talking to you guys if you're both asleep? Because I'm left alone again… that's why," She nodded to herself. "I'll talk to you guys later, then," she said as she picked up her jacket and walked out, half slamming the door.

Both boys stirred at the noise. "What was that?" Puck asked.

"No idea," Joe said, wiping the sleep from his eyes.

"Santana, what was that?" When he didn't get a response, he groaned and slid his arm out from under Joe and wrapped himself in a blanket. "Santana?" He grabbed for his phone off the table and pressed speed dial 3.

The phone rang twice before Santana picked up. "Puck, don't worry about it, I'm fine."

"Okay, you're sure?"

"Yes, Hun," she paused, knowing exactly why he called now that he wasn't hanging up. "He's a catch."

"Thanks… I think so, too. Bye."

"Bye, love."

Puck hung up the phone. That was really all he needed to hear. He needed to hear from his best friend that it was okay. That he was okay. That even though it was so soon that it wasn't bad - Not that bad was something he ever worried about. He walked back over to the bed and sat down, pulling Joe back into his arms. He rested his head on the smaller boys. "I really like you."

Joe looked up at him, looking to see if there was going to be anything following that remark; anything that would change the sentiment. "No buts?" Puck looked back at him and shook his head. Joe replied, "I really like you, too." He wrapped his arms around Puck's waist. He didn't want this moment to end, but he knew he had to get home. He looked up at the other boy, who seemed to be lost in thought and leaned in very close to him before taking his lower lip between his own. "I'll see you Monday?"

"Do you have to go?"

"Yeah, I'm really sorry," he said, getting out of bed and putting his clothes back on.

"Well, can I see you again before then?"

Clearly, he really did like him - no buts. A tiny, flirtatious smile came to his lips and soon lit up his whole face. He turned around. "I think that could be arranged."

"Good," Puck said, trying not to show that he was actually happy about it. "Want me to take you home?" He got up and began to get dressed, himself.

"No, that's alright. I only live like around the corner."

"Well, it's cold. I'll take you anyway."

"I'm really fine."

"You don't know your way around here very well."

"I'm good with directions _and _I've been here for nearly five months. I think I've got it."

Puck already knew that this would get him. "If you don't want me to…"

As expected, Joe melted, "No! I do…"

"Well?" Puck grabbed his hands and pulled him closer.

Joe swayed a little as he was pulled, feigning some sort of opposition. "I was just saying that you didn't have to…"

The taller boy stated firmly, "I want to."

He caved, "Okay."

On the drive home (which Puck decided to take a lot longer than it should have – driving slower, making intentionally wrong turns) they talked and laughed and learned a lot about each other. They reached Joe's house nearly an hour later. For a moment, they sat in silence. Neither one really knew what to do, but they didn't want to leave each other's side. Puck spoke first. "So, can I call you later?"

"I'd like that."

"Okay."

"Okay," Joe smiled. "I guess I'd better get inside."

"Alright." Another moment of silence. Joe grabbed for the handle of the door. Puck couldn't let him go like that. He leaned over and pressed himself onto Joe once again. He couldn't get enough of this guy. For the hundredth time those last couple of times, their tongues entwined. Joe didn't think his heart could handle this much excitement all the time. He pulled away.

"Okay, I'm seriously going this time. I'll talk to you later," he said frantically as he slid out of the cab of the truck. Before he closed the door, he spoke these words to Puck "Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light."

"Harry Potter… very nice."

"Yeah, just a quote that's always stuck with me. Keep it in mind."

"Alright. I'll talk to you later."

"Alright."

Joe headed up the path to his door. It was almost as though someone had thrown a switch in Puck's mind. As he pulled away, a thousand thoughts swam in his mind, but only one of them was certain, he couldn't wait to call him again.


	8. Chapter 8

Catch a Falling Star

Chapter Eight: With a Little Help

Disclaimer: You know the deal; I don't own Glee or the songs.

A/N: This chapter is getting a rather long preface because I have a few things to say before I go on. First of all, thank you to everyone who has read this fic. You're really great. Second, I got a lot of flak for the events in the last chapter. Some of it was very homophobic, some of it was that you were confused by the chapter; most of the derogatory comments have been deleted because I know that typically the Glee community is very loving and I don't want people to get offended needlessly. Third and finally, I have this listed as Rachel and Puck because it is about how they all cope with Rachel's death, so she is the main character. Puck is pretty much the second-most character, so he is the other character I have listed. I never claimed for this to be a Puckleberry fic or for Rachel to be looking into her future. If that is what was gotten, then I apologize, but I thought that would be made clear by her dying in the first chapter. That said, there are mentions of Puckleberry but as she is dead, action between the two would be, well, unorthodox to say the least and this was not meant to be a necrophilia!fic (which would be odd in and of itself.) I apologize for the gap in posting this but I really have had a hard time getting back into writing this and needed to take a moment to step back and put all of the criticism into perspective. Anyway, without further ado, here's chapter eight. :)

* * *

Monday morning, Puck walked in with his arm around Joe. He wasn't sure what was going on, but like everything else in his life, this didn't need a label. All he really knew was that he liked Joe and, for the moment, it was really helping him to get his mind off of Rachel and everything going on with glee. He wasn't, however, ready for this.

"What a surprise," came a voice from behind.

Turning around, Puck nearly spat the words venomously at the looming football player. "What do you mean by that, Karofsky?"

Joe recognized the approaching boy almost instantly. He was the one who had shoved the smaller kid into a locker the day after he transferred here. He knew that this was not what Puck needed right now. Still, he stayed silent, scanning both Puck and Karofsky for any warning signs.

"That you're a queer," Karofsky sneered. "You should've known that all of that singing and dancing would turn you. I would've thought you'd last longer than Fairy Finn, though."

"You know what man? You don't know **shit** about any of us," Puck growled in response through gritted teeth. "You think you know what's going on? Take a look around you." He tore one of the flyers for Rachel's memorial service off the wall and shoved it into Karofsky's hand. "Maybe you'll be able to get a clue before you go on attacking anyone else." Quickly, both of the glee club boys walked off into the mob of students entering for another day of school.

The taller football player looked down at the crumpled piece of paper in his hand. "Wednesday night…" he thought to himself.

* * *

That afternoon's rehearsal was excruciating. They had to come up with two numbers for Wednesday, two more numbers for Saturday and run their one set number over again. However painstaking the process was, the group from New Directions fought through it and got everything in order.

Kurt and Blaine had gone back to Dalton but they and the rest of the Warblers and the Vocal Adrenaline kids would all be performing at the memorial on Wednesday. Mercedes had Kurt on speakerphone for nearly the whole afternoon so that they could get his input and so that he could be on top of it all. Mr. Schue had contacted Shelby Corcoran, Rachel's biological mother and former director of Vocal Adrenaline, now adopted mother of Quinn and Puck's baby, and she said that she could get the V.A. kids up to speed for the two numbers that they would be doing for the memorial, not that any of the kids wouldn't know either song, but still, it needed rehearsing. Finn called Jesse St. James, Rachel's ex, who was currently at the University of Cincinnati Conservatory of Music. Even though they didn't have exactly the best history, he deserved to know what had happened.

The New Directions still had one challenge to overcome; how they were going to get through it. They were going to need each other more than they had ever needed each other before.

As they were leaving, Finn pulled them out into the hallway for a quick meeting. "Okay, guys, I guess we have a majorly hectic week ahead of us. And I know that we're banding with our competition 3 days before the actual performance, but this is for Rachel. We need to stick it out for her, no matter how rough it gets. You guys all know that we have each other's back." He looked around at everyone shifting around so as to not look at him. Not because they weren't listening or that they didn't care. They just didn't know how to react to each other anymore. It was a crap shoot as to who was going to go off crying over what and when and how long it would take for them to pull themselves back together. "We're a family," Finn continued, "and as such, we need to be here for each other. Wednesday is going to be really tough, but I know… I think we can get through it if we band together."

The rest of the group looked up at him and nodded. They knew that they should feel the same way that he was expressing, even if they all suspected that he didn't really believe it.

Knowing that it was the only thing that would drive the point home, Mercedes chimed in. "Wait, before we all go... Let's see if Brad's still around. I have an idea for one last thing." She rushed back into the choir room and upon seeing that he was in fact still there, (He really was always hanging around, wasn't he?) she reached a book off the shelf next to the piano and handed it to him, whispering to him which song she had in mind. She shuffled over to where the jazz band had left their stuff and gestured for Finn and Puck to come over to her. She pushed Finn down behind the drums and handed a guitar to Puck. As soon as Brad started to play the two boys looked at each other and grinned. Mercedes had gotten the point. They picked up right along with the piano and played along. Everyone in the room nodded approvingly as Artie started to sing.

_What would you do if I sang out of tune,__  
__Would you stand up and walk out on me?__  
__Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song,__  
__And I'll try not to sing out of key._

The entire room rose in song, laughing and smiling along. They were at home the most with each other.

_Oh I get by with a little help from my friends,__  
__Mmm,I get high with a little help from my friends,__  
__Mmm, I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends.__  
_

It was a little bit funny how easily they could be brought out of a funk by music. It wasn't that they had forgotten, they were just brought back into the moment and this particular moment was each other; Friends singing and having a good time, trying to wind down after a particularly stressful day.

_Do you need anybody?__  
__I need somebody to love.__  
__Could it be anybody?__  
__I want somebody to love._

Tina and Quinn picked up the next verse, clowning around Mike and Sam. They had been very closed off from their guys the last couple of days, but they knew what it was. The girls both felt responsible for what had happened – things they had said and not said and what was done to and not done to Rachel in the entire time they had known her. Neither of the boys knew her very well but they could just sense that their girlfriends were taking things the wrong way but couldn't bring themselves to say it. However, they both decided, separately, that this was definitely the happiest they'd seen anyone in the room in the last couple of days.

_What do I do when my love is away?__  
__(Does it worry you to be alone?)__  
__How do I feel by the end of the day?__  
__(Are you sad because you're on your own?)_

Everyone was dancing around the room, letting the music flow through them. They jumped around the room, twirling each other, just enjoying the company.

_No, I get by with a little help from my friends,__  
__Mmm, get high with a little help from my friends,__  
__Mmm, gonna to try with a little help from my friends_

_Do you need anybody?__  
__I need somebody to love.__  
__Could it be anybody?__  
__I want somebody to love._

Santana snuck up behind Puck and wrapped her arms around his waist as she started to sing._  
_

_Would you believe in a love at first sight?__  
__Yes I'm certain that it happens all the time._

She gestured between Joe and Puck, and seeing how angry Lauren was getting, pushed puck at Joe, who quickly latched on in the Latina's stead. Mercedes joined, adding a harmony to the fray

_What do you see when you turn out the light?__  
__I can't tell you, but I know it's mine._

The group started in again, this time coming in closer, putting arms around each other, patting backs and basically becoming one huddled mass of choir.

_Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends,__  
__Mmm I get high with a little help from my friends,__  
__Oh, I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends_

_Do you need anybody?__  
__I just need someone to love.__  
__Could it be anybody?__  
__I want somebody to love_

_Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends,__  
__Mmm, gonna try with a little help from my friends__  
__Ooh, I get high with a little help from my friends__  
__Yes I get by with a little help from my friends,__  
__with a little help from my friends_

As their song came to a close, the group of teenagers leaned into a group hug which dissolved into a huddle of raucous laughter.

"Do you see what I meant?" Finn asked to no one in particular. "We're strongest together."

A chorus of "Yeah, we get it" and other similar statements filled the air as everyone left the choir room together and travelled off into the dusk.

* * *

The three glee clubs stood in the basement of the Temple Beth Israel-Shaare Zedek. Generally, the members of Vocal Adrenaline kept to themselves. Generally, that is, except for one; Jesse St. James. He stood with the members of New Directions. He didn't know why, but since he had heard, he felt that he should have stayed at McKinley High even after all of the drama boiled down involving Shelby. He really did care about Rachel, no matter what. Even if none of them were acknowledging him, he really needed to be with her Rachel's friends. He stood watching the members of his group. To them, this was just another chance for exposure. As he looked on, he saw his current girlfriend, Emeline, being twirled around by a spry little dancer boy. She seemed to be really enjoying herself. He couldn't bother her with everything that was going through his mind. It's not that she wouldn't be sympathetic, at the least, but he just couldn't bring himself to tell her that he actually had feelings for Rachel that were anything more than anyone would for the target of their espionage. Still, he suspected that deep down she knew.

After a few moments, the directors of all three groups – Schuester, Corcoran, Harvey and Medel – followed by Rachel's dads, Seth and Matt entered the basement.

Matt started, with Seth at his side, to address the assembled youth in front of him. "I just want to start by saying thank you for everything you've done in the last couple of days and just in general. You're such an incredible group." His voice began to quaver. Seth wrapped his arms around Matt. Matt took a deep breath and moved on. Pulling a piece of paper from his pocket, he continued, "Rachel did leave a note. Before we all head up, I just wanted to… to let you all know what she wanted you to know." Holding tight to Seth, he began: "Finn," the quarterback raised his hand and stepped forward slightly, "Please, know that I love you. I always have, and I always will. No matter what happens, I'll be with you. Kurt," the countertenor nodded in acknowledgement and closed his eyes. "Sweet Kurt, you were always the best competition and friend that I had in glee. Thank you for making it what it was for me. Remember, you may feel like you're alone, but you're not. I'm so happy for you and Blaine," Blaine squeezed Kurt tighter, "Tell him from me that if he does anything to hurt you, it won't end well for him and we know how well your house mate handles supernatural occurrences. That is a threat." The Windsor Warblers all chuckled a bit at this acknowledgement of their crazy. Kurt wiped a tear away that had already started to fall. "Mercedes & Tina," the two girls reached for each other, across the people that currently separated them. No matter how much we frustrated each other, it didn't change my opinion on you. Good luck in everything you do." Both girls smiled slightly, through tear strewn eyes. "Quinn, Santana & Brittany," the three girls who stood quietly toward the back looked a bit shocked to hear their names. "I was always so jealous of you. You are perfect. No matter what obstacles you cross, you handle them with such grace and look flawless doing it. And Brittany - no, honey, I won't be coming back." Brittany sat down on Artie's lap, looking a bit distressed. Santana and Quinn both moved to comfort the blonde. "Noah," Puck nodded, not removing his gaze from the floor, "No matter what facade you're putting up today, you're still the sweet guy that I've seen. Please don't let anyone make you think any different. You've come so far in yourself and you're still going." Letting the tough guy image he put on in front of the majority of the world down, he began to cry. "Mike, Sam & Artie," The three boys straightened up in acknowledgement. "You're all such amazing and talented guys. I'm sure that your lives will go so far and you'll be such a strong presence to everyone you meet. Thank you for letting me perform with you on a daily basis. Lauren," the girl who sat in the back of the room looked around, startled almost. "Despite your apathy to the glee club and our lack of interaction, it has been a pleasure working with you." The girl's expression only changed minutely, however to her, being mentioned at all was really sort of gratifying. "Jesse?" The Vocal Adrenaline singer's eyes widened and he stepped forward a bit. "Jesse, in the short amount of time you were in my life, you made one of the strongest impacts. You managed to let me diva out, encourage me, keep my diva in check AND introduce me to my birth mother. Thank you. I'll never be able to express that enough." He looked around at the crying members of New Directions, Rachel's dads, Shelby and Mr. Schuester. He didn't know what to think. Finally, his gaze landed on his new girlfriend. She wore a mix of confusion and soft sympathy. Maybe it would be okay to talk to her about it. "Last but never least, Mr. Schue," the director dug his hands a little deeper into his pockets. He didn't want to cry, but he knew that that wouldn't last long. "Thank you for everything. Glee club has meant the world to me and it would not be so if not for you. Thank you. I hope I made you proud." As tears rolled down his cheeks, he wondered what really could have caused such a beautiful young girl to take her own life. No one seemed to have any answers. "Please, everyone, just know that it is no one's fault but my own. This has been a long time coming. I would just like to thank you all for everything. But, I fear it is time for me to make my exit. Please, take care of each other. I love you all, Rachel Berry." Slowly, the realization dawned over the room. They really were about to sing at a memorial service for someone they all knew. Her dad spoke one last time as he folded the piece of paper and put it back into the pocket of his jacket. "Please, we don't want tonight to be about mourning. Rachel would never have wanted that. She would have wanted a celebration of her life. Remember her, but don't let it hinder the abilities you all have shown so beautifully." With that, the adults led the group of teenagers up into the hall where the actual memorial service was being held.

The three choirs stood on the steps in the front of the room, with the New Directions in the front, the Warblers behind and Vocal Adrenaline on the highest steps. Rachel's dads came up to the front and said a few words to the people who had gathered, thanking them for 'schlepping out' on a Wednesday night. "However, we feel as though the best way to remember Rachel would be through the people she is… _was_ closest to. First, I'd like to bring forward Kurt Hummel, who would like to say a few words to introduce the first song."

Kurt stepped forward to the podium and took a deep breath. He closed his eyes for a moment and saw the brunette sitting in front of him, like at sectionals, gesturing sweetly for him to smile. He obliged the visage in his mind, opened his eyes and smiled a bit. "Rachel was one of my closest friends. She had this light, which I'm sure you all saw at one point or another, which shone through even in the darkest of times." His voice broke a little. "She had dreams of Broadway and that is something she and I shared. We had bonded night after night over our love for Bernadette Peters, Patti LuPone, Barbara Streisand and the like. The number we are about to perform for you is from a show that we both have a soft spot for. This show portrays how a group of friends can truly support each other and love each other despite any roadblocks. Rachel has surely shown us how true that can be. Before we begin, I would like to provide you all with a quote from the scene in which this song is sung in the show and it really is something that everyone standing in front of you can agree with: "You always said how lucky you were that we were all friends, but it was us, baby, who were the lucky ones."

With that, the sounds of the electric piano from beside them began. Artie began to sing, unsteadily at first, growing more sure with each moment.

_Live in my house__  
__I'll be your shelter__  
__Just pay me back__  
__With one thousand kisses__  
__Be my lover__  
__And I'll cover you_

Puck took the next verse. With every word, you could feel the emotion behind his voice. He could really feel what he was singing._  
_

_Open your door - I'll be your tenant__  
__Don't got much baggage to lay at your feet__  
__But sweet kisses I've got to spare__  
__I'll be there - I'll cover you_

He started to become fraught with emotions. It was almost as though a pressure he had felt in his chest for the past few days was working to break free as he sang.

_I think they meant it__  
__When they said you can't buy love__  
__Now I know you can rent it__  
__A new lease you were, my love, on life__  
__All my life_

Although it wasn't rehearsed that way, Artie could see that Puck was starting to lose it. He looked over at him and, with a nod, joined in if for no other reason than to reinforce Puck's voice.

_I've longed to discover__  
__Something as true__  
__As this is__  
_

As the music built to a driving force, Mercedes and Kurt added in their voices in a counter-melody.

_So with a thousand sweet kisses__  
__I'll cover you with a thousand sweet kisses__  
__I'll cover you with a thousand sweet kisses__  
__I'll cover you with a thousand sweet kisses__  
__I'll cover you_

Puck and Artie completely let loose, alternating lines and wailing out improvised strains on the melody as they went.

_If you're cold and you're lonely__  
__You've got one nickel only__  
__When you're worn out and tired__  
__When your heart has expired_

The entire group banded together, letting the chorus ring through. They were the most interesting array of people, from all walks of life, all styles of singing and dress, and still they were here together, lifting their voices in song for one girl.

_Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes__  
__Five hundred twenty-five thousand moments so dear__  
__Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes__  
__Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred - measure a year__  
__Oh lover I'll cover you__  
__Oh lover I'll cover you__  
_

Puck couldn't get Rachel out of his head. Ever since that night with Joe and Santana, he couldn't think about one topic too long. Everything hurt too much. He wanted to feel something good for once and, as good as things felt now, he was scared that it was too soon. However, he knew that no one else would really think that since they weren't actually 'together' at the time, so there was no reason for it. Besides, she would have wanted him to be happy, right? Still, he forged on, putting all of the hurt and confusion into the song.

_Oh lover__  
__I'll cover you__  
__Oh lover__  
__I'll cover you__  
_

As the song drew to a close, the group from McKinley was leaning on each other for support. None of them really knew when they had started crying, they all sang their hearts out, tears streaming down their faces.

_Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes__  
__Five hundred twenty-five thousand seasons of love_

Puck finished out the song, voice weak and choppy.

_I'll cover you._

As the song faded out and the group of people gathered at the memorial began to clap, the kids turned to each other, seeing the vast majority of people in various stages of tears, they moved to each other, wiping away tears and hugging whoever was closest. Any formality had been strewn to the wind, along with any animosity the glee clubs and the members therein may have had towards each other. Quinn found herself in the arms of David, the Warbler who stood directly behind her. They had spoken a few times beforehand, but she felt safe in his arms. Finn, Kurt and Mercedes turned directly to each other and became one person. Santana reached her hands to the people on either side of her, Brittany and Joe, and pulled their hands to her heart. Puck leaned right down from behind Artie and wrapped his arms around him. Warblers, New Directions and Vocal Adrenaline alike were comforting each other.

Finally, Finn stepped forward. He didn't know if her family knew that they had broken up or what and he didn't feel like risking it. If they would ask later, he'd tell them the truth, what was going through his head right now; how he still loved her and had broken up with her because they were going through a rough patch and could not get her to talk to him and now he knew why and couldn't help but blame himself. Shaking, he began to address the people. "Hi, I'm Finn Hudson, co-captain of New Directions and Rachel's boyfriend. I wanted to read a poem for you all that I remember being read at my dad's funeral when I was little:

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am in a thousand winds that blow,

I am the softly falling snow.

I am the gentle showers of rain,

I am the fields of ripening grain.

I am in the morning hush,

I am in the graceful rush

Of beautiful birds in circling flight,

I am the starshine of the night.

I am in the flowers that bloom,

I am in a quiet room.

I am in the birds that sing,

I am in each lovely thing.

Do not stand at my grave bereft

I am not there. I have not left."

The tall young man swept away the few tears that leaked down his face. He had promised himself that he would be able to make it through that without crying. He continued on. "Our second number was originally released in response to the outbreak of LGBT teens last fall. Since, it has become a comfort to anyone in that position. To anyone out there who is struggling within themselves, this is for you." He retreated back into the crowd of singers, wishing that Rachel could see them, knowing that wherever she was, she wouldn't miss this for the world. She was here. She had to be.

Jesse started this one off. As his voice started smooth and clear from the back row, no one could help but to look up for the source of the crooning.

_Hey friend__  
__When you feel like you're alone__  
__And the world throws out a lot of hate__  
_

Brittany followed up. Somehow, the normally airy girl managed to sing with such conviction and emotion.

_It's not the end__  
__You're not out there on your own__  
__There's still so much in life to celebrate__  
_

Now, every voice was raised in song.

_Just look up__  
__Cause those skies are going to clear__  
__There so much more than just the here and now__  
__Just look up__  
__Cause a better day is here__  
__Tomorrow feel the sunlight shining down_

As the group moved into the chorus, a figure in a letterman jacket appeared in the doorway holding one of the fliers that had been hung up around McKinley.

Dave Karofsky stood in the back listening to the group that he was a part of for one glorious week which had seemed to multiply. As he scanned the group, his eyes hesitated over Kurt, the boy who had been the object of so much of his attention before he scared him away. He should have known he would be here.

He turned to leave, but upon hearing the lyrics of their song seemed to have grown roots.

_It gets better, better, better__  
__The pain will let up, let up, let up__  
__If you fall just get up, get up, get up__  
__Ohh, cause there's another way__  
__It gets better, better, better__  
__The world gets lighter, lighter, lighter__  
__So be a fighter, fighter, fighter__  
__Ohh, just live to see that day__  
__Yeah, live to see that day (that day)__  
__Live to see that day_

Then, Joe and Santana took over the lead. Somehow, Karofsky felt that these two really felt that they knew what they were saying. His gaze lingered a little, trying to place who Joe was. Did he even go to McKinley? For some reason he could not place the kid's face.

_Hey friend__  
__We used to feel like you__  
__No end in sight__  
__Fearing everyday__  
__Just defend the part of you that's true__  
__Find yourself and you will find the way_

Kurt looked straight back toward the door. He thought he saw someone moving back there and couldn't help but want to channel his inner Patti for interrupting a performance, and then he saw who it was. He quickly grabbed at Blaine's hand and squeezed it, causing his boyfriend to look over at him. Kurt nodded a bit toward the door and then looked down at his feet. Maybe Karofsky hadn't seen him. As Blaine saw the shadowed figure in the doorway, his brow furrowed a bit, trying to see who it actually was. The boy stepped further into the light, revealing himself to the room. Blaine's eyes widened as he gripped back at Kurt's hand.

_Don't give up__  
__Just take another look__  
__And you can shine__  
__It's time you took the stage__  
__Don't give up__  
__Cause your life is like a book__  
__All you got to do is turn the page__  
_

Mercedes was up next. She sang with all of the conviction her years of singing in church could bring up in her.

_There are friends yet to meet,__  
__There are songs to be sung__  
__There are beautiful sunsets__  
__And battles are won_

Blaine and Kurt looked at each other with hesitant smiles and sang the next line._  
_

There's love to be found if you just stick around  
Don't give up your life has just begun

The young football player in the doorway clenched his fists. He didn't know what he was going to do. He had come to pay his respects to the girl; he didn't expect to be sung at and to have everyone who knew his secret here.

The last time he had seen Kurt was a few weeks back. (Could it have been months now?) He had gone to talk to Kurt at Dalton Academy. He had gone about it the wrong way and had triggered the guard and when he got Kurt alone, the countertenor was so scared and his defenses were up so high that no matter what he would have said, he wouldn't have wanted to hear it. Still, the words that Kurt said to him as he walked away, "You're not alone," rang in his head. He had expected Kurt to get it. He was alone. That was all there was to it. Now he was here, and even if it wasn't meant for him, it was being blasted at him by a whole bunch of people and, no matter how much he wanted to turn and run, he couldn't. He was so tired of running. Still, the choir sang on.

_It gets better, better, better__  
__The pain will let up, let up, let up__  
__If you fall just get up, get up, get up__  
__Ohh, cause there's another way__  
__It gets better, better, better__  
__The world gets lighter, lighter, lighter__  
__So be a fighter, fighter, fighter__  
__Ohh, just live to see that day_

Still, as he paced, Karofsky's mind was going a mile a minute. Why had he come here? He didn't really even know the girl. It was something in the way that Puckerman had said it to him Monday morning. He felt like he had to go. He guessed now he knew why. It was fate. He was supposed to hear this song. He was supposed to feel it and identify with it and find the courage to come out. Well, this wasn't some musical. Things didn't work like that, not for him. Or did they? The song broke down into an acapella section._  
_

_It gets better, better, better__  
__The pain will let up, let up, let up__  
__If you fall just get up, get up, get up__  
__Ohh, cause there's another way__  
__It gets better, better, better__  
__The world gets lighter, lighter, lighter__  
__So be a fighter, fighter, fighter__  
__Ohh, just live to see that day_

By this point, the entirety of New Directions and half of the Warblers had noticed Karofsky pacing and all eyes were either on him or on Kurt. They were going to have to be on their guard now. They didn't need a repeat of sectionals and they really didn't need Karofsky to get his hands on Kurt. Still, ever the performers they were, they pushed on for the last part of the song._  
_

_It gets better, better, better__  
__The world gets lighter, lighter, lighter__  
__So be a fighter, fighter, fighter__  
__Ohh, just live to see that day__  
__It gets better, better, better__  
__It gets better, better, better__  
__It gets better, better, better__  
__It gets better, better, better_

To round out this part of the memorial, Mr. Schuester stepped forward. "First of all, I would like to thank Ms. Corcoran, Mr. Harvey and Ms. Medel for allowing their students to perform with us tonight. As the director of McKinley High's New Directions, I had the privilege of working with Rachel every day. It really was that," He swallowed and took a breath. All he could see was the girl's face as she sang that song on her last day; so pained, so vacant. It was so unlike her. If he had only said something… He had to stop. There was no point to 'what ifs.' "- A privilege. She was such a smart, talented and beautiful young woman and she will be missed. She touched the lives of everyone in this room in one way or another and for that, we can all be grateful. We love you Rachel and we hope that you've found peace wherever you are now." He stepped away from the podium and signaled for the kids to head back into the room to grab their stuff before they came back up to join the rest of the memorial if they so chose.

As soon as the group was into the basement, half of the room crowded around Kurt, who was currently being held between Blaine, Mercedes and Finn.

"What's the matter with him?" Joe asked Puck, genuinely concerned.

"Did you see the guy in the back of the room; the one who confronted me the other morning?" Puck replied.

"Yeah, Karofsky. I saw him. What… Oh. Is that the kid that transferred out because of him?"

"Yes. That's Kurt."

"Oh… wow. What was that guy even doing here? Was he friends with her?"

Puck contemplated this. Why was he there?

A tall blonde boy was standing with Kurt and his protectors now. "I'll do it again. I swear."

"Logan…" Blaine looked up at him. "Do you really…"

"Now's not the time for violence, Logan. Thank you, though." Kurt was beginning to regain his composure. He wiped away his tears and held Blaine a little tighter. He placed a hand to his forehead, then "We should get back out there."

"Are you sure Alice?" asked one of the twins. In the state he was in, he couldn't really tell which.

"I'm sure."

"Kurt, Schue said we don't have to stay. If Karofsky's here, it's not safe for…" Puck started and was quickly cut off by Kurt.

"We all need to be here tonight. If I have you guys around, I know nothing will happen to me." He looked around and all of the boys nodded. "Here is where we belong. So, let's go up there. Okay?" With that he laced his fingers with Blaine's and followed Mercedes and Finn up the stairs.

Slowly but surely, everyone else followed suit. All of the New Directions kids and half of the Warblers had chosen to stay, plus Jesse and his girlfriend. They stayed to be polite, but knew that they really weren't wanted, what with all of the drama that Jesse had caused the New Directions the year prior. Eventually, though, David, one of the Warblers noticed a figure in a letterman jacket approaching the table. "Kurt, not to scare you, but he's coming this way."

With that, Finn's head whirled around to see a somber looking Karofsky indeed headed toward them. What did he want? After what seemed like an eternity, he approached the table. "Hi, guys. I'm really sorry about… everything," Karofsky said, looking pointedly at Kurt, who was now practically sitting on Blaine's lap. "I know I've been out of line in the past, but… I really am sorry. It's clear that this girl meant a lot to all of you. I didn't know and I should have realized. I should have lain off the last couple of days." He glanced at the faces up and down the table and stopped again on Joe, who was sitting next to Puck and he pieced it together. He was the kid that Puck had his arm around the other morning… Could he have actually been right? Usually he just made fun of people as a projection for himself, but could Puckerman actually be? He shook those thoughts out of his head as he saw Joe clenching a length of the leg of Puck's black jeans. "I just figured that you guys really did have a right to know why I've been this way to you."

Kurt's back straightened up. Was he really hearing this? "Do you really think that this is the right…"

He was cut off by Karofsky. "Yes, it's the right time. I need to say it now or I'm afraid I'll never say it at all." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "What I'm trying to say is that… I am gay. I don't know if Kurt kept his word and didn't say anything to anyone, but," Kurt began to say that he hadn't and Karofsky put his hand up to silence him. "_But_ it doesn't matter because now you all know." He looked away from all of the shocked expressions at the table. "I know that that's not what any of you were expecting me to be here for. I'm sure you all expected it to be another all out brawl, but I know better than that." He exhaled a bit and grabbed at his arm.

"Man, Dave…" Finn said, after a few moments of stunned silence. "I definitely didn't expect that when I asked for you to apologize a while back."

"Yeah, well… That makes two of us, but, uhm… I think I better get out of here. People are beginning to stare. I just… I guess I needed to get that off my chest."

As the football player walked away, everyone at the table couldn't take their eyes off of him. "Does that mean that we're all safe from the torture now?" Tina asked, clinging to Mike, images of slushie facials rushing through her mind.

"I wouldn't count on that," Puck said. "He may have told us, but I don't think that means it's going to stop. I think it may just get worse… It's not going to change the face he puts up at school."

"Yeah, he did say that part of why he was so hard on me toward the end there was that he couldn't stand the fact that I knew and that I could 'drop the ax' at any moment," Kurt said. Blaine, sensing the fear flushing back into Kurt, wrapped his arms around his boyfriend.

"Look, guys," Mercedes said, "I don't think it will change him but I do think that, now that so many of us know, he won't target us as bad. He can't risk it now."

What Mercedes said made complete sense. Why would he risk slipping up and angering one of the Glee kids and thus having one of them let go his precious secret. They all sat in silence for a moment.

"It's getting late," said Reed to the rest of the Warblers, "and we still have a two hour drive ahead of us. Should we head out?" he asked, looking at Kurt apologetically. He knew that Kurt needed to be with them, but they all needed to get back to Dalton.

"Yeah, we should, I guess," Blaine said, also directing his attention to Kurt. "Are you ready?"

"Sure," he said, as he got up and hugged all of the members of New Directions. "We'll see you all Saturday, then?"

"You bet," Mercedes answered.

As the Warblers headed back to their school and the New Directions started wrapping their stuff up as well, there were a million things on their minds but the most predominant now was just that: Regionals.


	9. Chapter 9

Catch a Falling Star

Chapter Nine: Hard To Find Your Way

Disclaimer: Still don't own nor am I affiliated in any way with Glee.

A/N: Hey guys. Just so you know, I suggest that, for the mash-up, you look at www[dot]youtube[dot]com[slash]watch?v=uHGEiW74SPA Also, no, I didn't forget about this fic, but I just sort of put it on the back burner because I had a bunch of stuff come up. I've had parts of this and the next (and final) chapter written for weeks but I haven't gotten around to writing. I apologize, but here's the moment you've all been waiting for, Chapter Nine – Regionals.

* * *

The rest of the week went by smoothly for the members of New Directions. Karofsky had stayed out of everyone's line of sight, their rehearsals were going along smoothly, there had been no big fights, there was just one thing missing; Rachel. Every time the group met, they were in a somber tone. They couldn't escape the feeling that something about this was terribly wrong. The girl's absence was certainly taking it's toll on the group's heart and no matter how well they were rehearsing, it still felt wrong. Mr. Schue sat in a chair to the edge of the room, watching Brittany, Mike, Santana and Artie glide through another, almost more pained rendition of _Permanent._ A small round of applause filled out for them. He shifted in his chair and spoke. "Alright, that rounds out our set."

Brittany raised her hand, quietly. "Mr. Schue," she said, appearing to be struggling to find the words to ask what she wanted to. "I know you're trying really hard to help us all with how much we miss Rachel, but are you okay? None of us have really heard how you're doing with it."

Quinn followed her statement quickly. "Yeah, she meant just as much to you as she did to most of us. Are you sure you don't need anything?"

He was honestly touched. He hadn't much thought that they would care or even acknowledge him in this moment. It was really about them.

"Yeah, Mr. Schue, why don't you sing something for us?" Tina said, knowing how he felt about singing to portray feelings.

"Alright," he said. "I guess we're going along well enough. You guys deserve a break." He walked over to Brad and told him exactly what song he had in mind.

As the soft opening of the song began, the man looked around at his students, wondering how they had all become such bright, wonderful people.

_Looking back on the memory of__  
__The dance we shared 'neath the stars alone__  
__For a moment all the world was right__  
__How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye_

The students sat in silence, except for Puck. He got up and picked up the acoustic guitar from the corner where the Jazz Band was and played along._  
_

_And now I'm glad I didn't know__  
__The way it all would end the way it all would go__  
__Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain__  
__But I'd have had to miss the dance__  
_

Mr. Schue sat down in one of the empty chairs on the floor. Images of the girl's smile and attitude filled his head.

_Holding you I held everything__  
__For a moment wasn't I a king__  
__But if I'd only known how the king would fall__  
__Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all_

As their teacher sang, each student began to think about Rachel; about how different the last couple of years would have been for them if not for her. Not one person could contain themselves. It was truly a bittersweet sentiment.

_And now I'm glad I didn't know__  
__The way it all would end the way it all would go__  
__Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain__  
__But I'd have had to miss the dance__  
__Yes my life is better left to chance__  
__I could have missed the pain but I'd have had to miss the dance_

The song ended and everyone sat in silence for a moment. There had been a lot of that recently. Silence. A massive loss for words between them all. Eventually, enough was enough and, while they could probably have used one more run of their set, they disbanded in favor of a good night's rest before the next day's competition.

* * *

Saturday morning came around faster than any of them could have expected. As the 12 kids boarded the bus, they couldn't help but not feel like they were going to make fools of themselves. Rachel had always been their best performer. She lived and breathed this. Slowly but surely, they got into their seats in pairs; Mike and Tina, Brittany and Artie, Puck and Joe, Sam and Quinn, Finn and Santana, Mercedes and Lauren and finally Mr. Schue and Miss Pillsbury, who hadn't said one word to each other since she told him about Rachel. Neither felt as though it was the right time to even think about the things that needed to be said between them.

Normally, the ride to competition was full of raucous laughter, but this time was different. No one spoke, really. Some people slept. Pretty much everyone had their iPods in. It wasn't a particularly long ride but they just weren't really interested in anything. They all were so far into their own heads that it wouldn't have mattered if they were required to talk. After about an hour, though, they reached the theatre where Regionals were being held. They waited a moment and dispersed off of the bus and into the lobby, trying to find out when they had to be back in the Green Room. After a few minutes of searching, Finn found the proctor. They, of course, were going on last. It would be hours before they even had to be backstage, let alone on-stage. The members of New Directions split up, not even wanting to be near each other too much. They really were **not** ready for this.

First to split off were Puck and Joe. They wandered away, trying to clear their heads of all of it and just get back to a point of clarity. They both had reasonably large solo parts today and needed to be at the top of their game. Joe grabbed Puck's hand and pulled him off into a small room near the backstage area. "I'm petrified right now."

"Why's that?" Puck asked, looking into the boy's dark eyes. "You're going to be fantastic."

"I don't sing in public… Ever." He looked up at Puck. "I mean, I did, once and it was good… but I don't know. I sing in the background," he said, relocating his gaze to his hands. "I don't like to stick out."

"It's a bit too late for that one." The taller boy swept the shorter into a strong hug. "You'll never blend in."

Joe closed his eyes and delved pulled tighter into Puck's arms. He still wasn't sure what was going on between them, but he didn't want to press the subject just yet. What it was didn't matter that much. All that mattered was that it was.

Meanwhile, Finn went off in search of Blaine and Kurt. It wasn't that he didn't want to be around the New Directions kids (which, truth be told, he didn't) but he was sent to find out when they were on so that they could all be sure to watch them.

He wandered for a while, only moderately acknowledging the fact that he was looking for anyone. He'd look up if he saw a blazer. If the person in the blazer acknowledged him, he'd nod curtly or, if it was one he was more familiar with, ask if they'd seen Blaine or Kurt. He was making an attempt. That was more than he expected of himself when all he wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry. Every competition they'd come to thus far had wound up with some sort of romantic interaction between himself and Rachel. The fact that she was gone and wouldn't even be with them haunted him. He couldn't handle this. He needed her there with him. He didn't know how to do this without her. He tried hard to convince himself that this was all a dream. "I'm just going to wake up and Rachel will be there and I'll be able to tell her everything and she'll understand and we'll never let go of each other again and I'll be able to get my life back on track." He sat on a bench and rested his head in his hands. "Even I'm not that dumb." He thought to himself.

After a few minutes, he felt a hand on his shoulder and lifted his head, slightly. "Hey you," Kurt spoke, squatting down a bit, revealing that Blaine was standing behind him. "David said you were looking for us. What's up?"

"Oh, uh…" he said, trying to remember exactly why. "Right, we all wanted to know when you guys go on so we can make sure we're in watching for you." He smiled weakly, trying to make it seem as though he was actually okay.

Kurt wasn't having any of it. "What's going on in that head of yours?"

"I miss her, Kurt," he replied, before he even realized what he was saying. This wasn't the time to be getting into it. Still, his mouth disobeyed his mind. "I miss her so much." The boy lost what little composure he had left and cried, right there in the middle of all of the hustle and bustle.

Kurt immediately swept into action, grabbing his step-brother into a tight hug. Not knowing what to say just yet, he gestured Blaine into his line of sight, mouthing something that looked like "Dwight. Now." Blaine looked at his boyfriend, a bit confused and shrugged. "Alan," Kurt mouthed, causing realization to dawn. Blaine's eyes widened and he shook his head emphatically, knowing that that was a bad idea. "Fine," he responded silently, trying to formulate another plan while he rocked Finn back and forth.

Blaine stared at the two for a moment and knew that Kurt was exactly what Finn needed. He waved sympathetically at his boyfriend and his brother and walked away.

Kurt exhaled pointedly. What was he going to say? He missed Rachel too, but he didn't have nearly as much of a tie as Finn. Not to be mistaken, he loved her to death, but she was a close friend not a girlfriend. He'd never be able to see Finn's point of view on this, but all he could think was if something had happened to Blaine while they fought, he'd never be able to forgive himself. That gave him some leverage as he eased the boy away from him, wiping away his tears. "Okay, listen to me," Kurt said, making sure that Finn was looking him in the eyes as he spoke. "You can't go on like this. I know it hurts. Trust me, I miss her too. I have not stopped thinking about her all week. I know. But, we have to forge on. We can't stop living our lives."

"Why not? She did," Finn said in a tone that was nearing inconsolable.

"Finn, this behavior is despicable," he said, near snapping at him. "Yes, she did, but if I hear one more word like that out of your mouth, I'm calling home." Finn's eyes widened. He wasn't used to those kinds of threats being valid yet. "That's right. Now," he said, straightening up a bit and readjusting Finn's tie. "You are the captain of a group that needs you right now; almost as much as you need them. We – yes we – are going to find wherever they're camped out and stay with them. They're the only people who really will get it." Kurt stood up and straightened the seam of his trousers. He offered a hand to help Finn up and looked at him. "You can't do this on your own. Even if you think you can," he placed his hand on his stepbrother's arm. "I just won't let you." He smiled at the taller boy and gently spun him around so as to steer him toward the group that Blaine had assembled nearby. A few of the Warblers and the New Directions kids stood, looking at Kurt and Finn expectantly.

"So," Santana said with an air of certainty, "Are we ready to watch these guys do an alright job, then wipe the floor with their asses?"

There were various interjections by the Warblers, but the sheer magnitude of the McKinley crew drowned them out indefinitely. Kurt could do nothing but laugh as they parted ways, one group heading to the green room, the other heading into the theatre.

Time passed on and it was finally their turn to head backstage and get ready. They all spread out a bit and ran through some warm ups together until finally, the stage manager called places. Brittany, Mike, Santana and Artie headed out as everyone else gathered together for a group hug and dispersed to get to their spots for the beginning of their first number as a group.

There was a round of thunderous applause for the quartet which signaled the ensemble to start. Sam took lead on the first part.

_Yesterday,__  
__All my troubles seemed so far away,__  
__Now it looks as though they're here to stay,__  
__Oh, I believe in yesterday._

The choreography started off, simple at first but growing into a storm at which Sam was the center. His voice carried through, clear and strong.

_Suddenly,__  
__I'm not half the man I used to be,__  
__There's a shadow hanging over me,__  
__Oh, yesterday came suddenly._

The boy stepped further to the front of the group as they assembled into clean lines behind him, linking hands and swaying drastically with the music.

_Why she__  
__Had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say.__  
__I said,__  
__Something wrong, now I long for yesterday._

Sam moved over to the group and grabbed Quinn by the hand, bringing her out into the spotlight and taking her place in the group. The girl closed her eyes and spun out into the open stage.

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night__  
__Take these broken wings and learn to fly__  
__All your life__  
__You were only waiting for this moment to arise_

The blonde cracked a bittersweet smile. Mashing these songs together had been her idea, so they all insisted that she take the solo, despite her claims that this part would have been done much more justice if Tina had taken it. They decided that it would work out best if Tina took a higher harmony on it and she backed off.

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night__  
__Take these sunken eyes and learn to see__  
__All your life__  
__You were only waiting for this moment to be free._

In the back of the auditorium, the Warblers sat, watching the performance in awe. They really moved with a sense of unity, the entire group. It had an ethereal sense to it, almost as though they were watching the music move in front of their eyes.

_Blackbird fly, blackbird fly_

Rachel was their blackbird. This song was all for her. She was finally free. She no longer had to worry about the trials and tribulations of this world. She was now capable to soar to her heart's content and, now that she had taken off, all they could do was remember their times with the graceful and delicate, beautiful creature they'd taken for granted.

Sam's voice returned, bringing the first melody in to tangle with the second. The three who had taken lead took each other's hands and stepped downstage, allowing more space for the rest of the group.

_Yesterday…_

_Yesterday,_

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night__  
__Love was such an easy game to play,__  
__Take these broken wings and learn to fly_

_Now I need a place to hide away,_

_All your life__  
__Oh, I believe in yesterday._

_You were only waiting for this moment to arise_

_I believe in yesterday._

The final strains of the song rang out and the group ended in a crescent shape. A few people shared a passing glance with another but made sure not to move too much.

The audience remained silent for a moment or so after the song concluded. However, the silence didn't last long. It erupted into a loud round of applause to lead them into their final number.

As the song started, Mercedes stepped forward from where she was standing in the center of the arch.

_Dear Jason, there will be tears today__  
__But we'll get through and you'll be there__  
__I'll leave a chair for you, you made it too__  
__You held your mystery so close__  
__But I knew, I knew your way__  
__Never found the words to say__  
__Always thought we'd talk one day._

In the audience, Kurt gasped and grabbed Blaine's hand. They had lobbied hard to get _bare_ to be put on as a collaboration between Dalton Academy and Dobry Hall's music departments but the boards wouldn't allow it. Kurt turned to look at his boyfriend, who wore a similar expression of shock. Why had neither of them even thought of this song? He couldn't help but stare at Mercedes as she sang. The girl was really incredible. He glanced around trying to figure out who was taking the next verse. When Puck stepped forward, seeming to address the audience personally, he couldn't help but be taken aback. This part was typically done by a woman.

_Dear Jason, you can't begin to know__  
__The pain you've caused__  
__How do I make sense of what I've gained__  
__And what I lost?__  
__What a mess, a perfect mess__  
__Left alone to sort it out__  
__In the sorrow, guilt, and rage__  
__I keep coming back to doubt_

The boy stood at the front, pouring his emotions out through the lyrics. They were truly apropos for his situation. True, in context it didn't fit at all. But he was in so much pain over Rachel. She abandoned him. She abandoned everyone.

No one knew the full story. Santana and Joe had heard most of it, but it would kill Finn to hear the whole thing, and he didn't really want to do that to him.

It was only a few weeks prior, but it felt like a lifetime ago. Rachel and Puck sat in her bedroom, cross-legged on her bed. She cried to him, not saying much, but slowly explaining why she was so upset in broken sentences.

"He slept with her."

"Finn?" he asked as she burst out into hysterics as he moved closer to her on

the bed, taking the girl into his arms. Why hadn't he said anything to him? Didn't really matter, he was just curious. The girl let out a wail. "With who? Quinn?" The girl shook her head. "Santana?" The girl nodded into his shoulder. "Well then…" He struggled to piece things together as he tried to quiet the girl down. "While you were dating?" The girl whimpered. "Sorry, didn't catch that one."

"No," she sighed. "But that doesn't make it any better."

"How does it not make it the same as you sleeping with Jesse?" he asked, remembering the fuss she made around the time they all did the Madonna numbers.

The girl was taken aback, having forgotten that lie. She didn't realize she had told anyone other than Finn. "I didn't… I never slept with Jesse."

"After all that fuss you made, you're going to tell me that was fake?"

"Well, yeah," she started, trying to figure out a way to explain her twisted logic. "I only wanted to make him jealous."

"So, kind of like now?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"So, what is it you want me to say, Berry?"

"Nothing," the girl said, straightening up a bit and pushing herself into him, forcing a kiss on him.

He didn't know what to do. This was not what he signed on for. What was he doing? Was he going to wreck another one of Finn's relationships? No, absolutely not. He pulled away, but the girl followed. He wriggled away and stood up, placing his hands on the girl's shoulders. "Rachel, listen to me," he said, restraining the small girl effortlessly. "This is not what you want; You're upset, you're scared…" He studied the girl's face, still tear stained, trying desperately to get him to give in. "Rachel, I…" He didn't know how to say this. He walked away. He was still attracted to girls, which was certain, but just… he cared too much about Rachel at this point. And there was this extra bit hidden inside of him that he didn't know how to phrase. He sat down on the bench from her vanity and faced the girl who was now laying on her bed facing him. She needed out just as much as he did. "Run away with me?"

The girl leapt from her spot on the bed. "What? Noah, stop this, this is crazy talk. One minute you won't kiss me, now you want-"

"No, no, Rachel. I don't mean it like that. I mean let's get out of Lima. Neither of us are built for small towns. We both need bright lights and big cities. You're ready." He had never been surer of anything. He looked at the girl, lights in his eyes brighter than they had ever been. "Come on, we'll pack our lives up into a couple of bags and high tail it out of here. Where do you want to go? New York?"

"Noah…" the girl's eyes dashed wildly across the boy's face. "What are you saying?"

"I'm not saying anything other than we're both trapped here. Let's. Get. Out." He grabbed the girl by the arms, staring intently and crazed into her eyes. There was a fire inside of him that she had sparked and she had no way to put it out.

"Stop, this is crazy. We haven't even graduated yet," she said, almost pleading with him now. She didn't want to upset him, but this was not what she wanted. All she wanted was a little revenge, not some crazy, hair brained scheme that would leave them both more miserable than they were already. "Besides, we'd drive each other crazy."

"No, we wouldn't!" he said, excitement building. "Rach, don't you get it? We'd balance each other out. I'm not saying anything about romance or even sex. I'm just saying two friends getting the hell out of Suburbia."

"Are we friends, Noah?" Rachel asked, not wanting to sound obtuse. She had just never expected him to call her that.

As he stood in front of the full audience, this all came flushing back to him. He had lost her but in losing her had found Joe, this wonderful human being who drove him crazy and brought him back to the real world at the same time in ways that Rachel could never have even expected.

He really could've used a friend to just listen to him, and Rachel was always good for that. He still had Santana, but ever since that night she'd been a bit on edge around him. He didn't know what caused it, but he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

Stupid song – stupid competition making him think about all of this. He passed a glance and a crooked smile at Joe who took the next verse.

_I'd like to start with just a...__  
__If we could take a moment...__  
__If maybe we were silent...__  
__Or we had spoken...__  
__I tried to find the words to...__  
__Just the right quotation...__  
__But I must confess I came up empty__  
_

Joe didn't know the girl, but he knew this song – inside and out. His best friend back in Pennsylvania and he had obsessed over this entire show over and over again.

It was weird how much he could relate to a character he never thought he could possibly relate to. He hadn't meant for it to happen this way. He probably would have wound up joining anyway, but like Matt, the character to whom these words belonged, he was filling in for someone whose shoes he knew he could never fill. The difference was, he wasn't trying. All he wanted to do was be there for his new friends and do right by them.

The entire choir opened up.

_You alone the Lord most holy__  
__You alone the Lord most high__  
__Hear us now, steer our hearts__  
__And grant our prayers__  
__We bare them in Your name__  
__Make us one with all, God, in Your name__  
_

Finn stepped forward, eyes already red and puffy from the tears that had fallen over the course of the day.

_Dear Jason, how did a simple love get complicated?__  
__Days crawl by, I ask myself again__  
__Should I have waited?__  
__In a world that's quick to judge__  
__I will try to understand__  
__It's so hard to find your way__  
__When you have no voice to guide you home_

The tall boy's frame wavered a moment. He took in that verse for the first time since the song had been assigned. As the tears began to fall, he questioned everything, stepping back into the crowd of voices.

Should he have waited? Should he not have gotten involved with her when he did? Of course he should have. She was the best thing that had ever happened to him.

There were whispers around the school – Hypotheses as to why she did it. Some said she was pregnant, most blamed it on him. Without so much as a second glance, most people had passed some sort of assessment of the whole situation. Was it that easy to break down? If it was, he would have gladly sat through some time with a tutor to understand.

All he wanted was to hear her voice again; to hold her in his arms. But that would never happen again. He was on his own.

Again, the ensemble piped in.

_No voice, no sound__  
__No sound, no words__  
__No words, no songs__  
__No songs, no heart__  
__One heart, one love__  
__one love, one life__  
__one life, one truth,__  
__one truth, one life__  
__One voice!_

Their final pose was one of solidarity. The whole choir had become a line, near the footlights, hands knotted together. At this point, it didn't matter whether they won or lost, they'd gotten through their first performance without Rachel smoothly and to upmost fanfare. As the stage manager's voice came over the P.A., dismissing them from the stage, they ran to one another, emitting various squeaks and words of encouragement and ultimately locking the entire group into one solid embrace.

On their way back to the green room, they passed Kurt, Blaine and the Warblers who bum-rushed them in a failed attempt to explain just how moved they were by the performance, but the meeting was interrupted by the proctor who ushered the groups off to their rooms.

The time seemed to pass by as though it had forgotten that it had a set plan. Some of the New Directions paced nervously, others sat in chairs. The aura of the room was slightly reminiscent of the hospital waiting room a year earlier as they waited for news of Quinn and the baby. Now, their nerves had come full circle, from life to death and still they stood, together.

Finally, the Stage Manager stuck his head in. "Places on stage please." The group rose to their feet and headed off to the stage.

As the head judge, Rod Remington, headed to meet them, their nerves hit a dangerous spike. What if this was the end of the road again? If it was, where would that leave their newly strengthened camaraderie? This really could be the end.

"Well, folks, it's reached that time again," the sleazy anchorman and head judge started. "What do you say we get right down to the Top 3 spots, huh?" All of the choirs jostled themselves a bit, trying to keep their nerves in check. "In third place, we have _The Hipsters!_" he exclaimed, clearly milking it for what little it was worth. The members of New Directions looked at each other nervously. "And in second place, _The Dalton Academy Warblers!"_ Kurt and Blaine smiled, and looked at the New Directions. Even though they hadn't won, they knew that they couldn't tie again. "And finally, in first place, of McKinley High School, _New Directions!" _ In all honesty, he majority of that statement was drowned out. They had done it. Even without her being there in body, Rachel was still alive inside each and every one of them and had helped get them to where they needed to be.


End file.
